I Am The Wind...

2003-03-08T14:32:00.000-06:00

The Tenkan Star has fallen. The wreckage is not pretty. It can be found within a girl trying to find herself again.

2003-02-16T19:31:00.000-06:00

I DID IT I DID IT I DID IT!!!

The Brick House Diner

IS OPEN FOR BUSINESS!! YAYAY!!! I wish my html skills kicked more ass, but hey, it'll work.

2003-02-15T23:41:00.000-06:00

Alright, I'm back. Got a new hard drive myself. I don't think The Brick House Diner will get up this weekend. That's the name for the OY site. Not much to say, really. Made a layout for Kyoji. And if you see through it, kudos to you. Yui & Pam, you guys don't count because you already know. :-P I also added the link to Innocence Asunder in my blogs thing. Go check it out, he's gonna need some friends.

Life is soooo busy!! *sighs*

2003-02-10T07:50:00.000-06:00

I should say hi, eh? Well, my brother's harddrive is blown. ;_; I feel so bad for him. *sighs*

Also, I had the original yaoi archive ready to go too. ;_;

I'll be around on this blog as much as I can. Otherwise, you may not see me for a bit.

2003-01-24T19:33:00.000-06:00

Last night in class I was informed that students only give you what you expect of them. So the kids that you believe can't do anything, won't. It's not that they can't, it's that they won't do what they don't have to. Set high expectations, and you get high results. I realized that I have just let some kids slip by in my class. One little girl who had no clue how to write her name always just put marks on the paper and smiled over it, because we gave up on her and she went off to play. So today, after only working with the girl for 15 minutes and constantly telling her that she was a smart girl who had pretty handwriting, the name "Ashley" appeared on that paper in her lovely little childlike scrawl. I fucking cried. But I refuse to keep failing these children as their teacher. I see now my mistake; I will rectify that problem. But I'm honestly so damn proud of Ashley, and I feel pretty damned accomplished myself.

Just so everyone knows, Pam's computer is broken again. I think she'll be sneaking online at work and in her sister's room, but just in case she hasn't posted where people can see or anything, there you go.

Updated my blog links too and put up the link to Rueger's new blog ^^v. She has another friend named Dani who's hosting her blog now, and god it looks so sweet. Who is that guy, anyway? ^^;;

I'm struggling with this HTML business. I think I did pretty good on the Sands page, and I know I need to transcribe more of the actual rp content. But I'm really wanting to work on the original yaoi archive. I have no clue for a layout. I want something that looks fun yet sophisticated. Something that can appeal to all possible genres of original yaoi. Also, I need a name for it. While OY, Baby! is a pretty neat name in my mind, it took a lot of my friends a long time to figure out what it stood for. Besides, it needs a name to match the layout. I'm really wanting to name it after an item or something. So if you sign my comments, please suggest something! It can be anything...

And yes, that little winter storm that has hit the south USA is freaking cold. ^^v

Casimir and Auley are calling me, so I better go write some.

*huggles and strawberry shortcakes to minna*

2003-01-19T18:01:00.000-06:00

Happy day.... Happy day!!!

DIARY OF A DEMON KING IS LICENSCED!!!!

Okay, it's called Demon Diary, and Rinep is now Raenef and Elkipt is Eclipse... but YAY!!! OMG OMG OMG!

And... when I told Pam, she got pissed. Know why? SHE AND SPRING GOT ME THE ENTIRE SERIES for christmas! It's late, I haven't gotten it yet, but I'm happy!!! SHIT YA!!! *glomps Pam and Spring* I love you guys!! *MUACK!*

So happy so happy!!!!

2003-01-15T21:17:00.000-06:00

Sands.

2003-01-13T16:06:00.000-06:00

Getting to see my babies/students always cheers me up, especially since the heathens from last week vanished and my angels are back. Kinda. Still working on Taylour and Courtney. *shakes head* One's an airhead and one has no common sense... Great combination for 4-year old girls who can't get along but insist on hanging onto to each other anyway. >.< I love my babies so much.

But... *glomps Pam, Sei, & Sabian* I think the cheese and sap really helped cheer me up last night! Thanks, guys! Gee, I think Sunday is going to be really fun but a giant disaster, what do you think? Heheh...

I'm amazed at how well the sites we've put up on www.chibi-tenkan.com are coming along. They'll be open to the public soon. Of course, Pam already had Toei Mountain created and just had to redo layouts and stuff and... wait. That means she redid it entirely... Nevermind. She worked hard and it kicks ass. Soon I'll start on the OY, Baby! site. So if anyone reading this has any ORIGINAL yaoi stories that you wouldn't mind me hosting with an archive, please let me know. It won't look as fantastic as other sites, since my html is ass-crap, but the idea will be good. Yeah Pam, Rueger, and Sakura, I'm looking heavily at you guys! And Yui too, if she ever got any further with her vampire love story! Wonder if Asuka will let me borrow her "Yaoi Boy" comic for it... I'm having a major idea with this original yaoi thing that will involve my friends, but I gotta make sure I can do it first. ^^

Yui, I hope you're okay, chic. *huggles tight* I'm sorry to hear about your friend. ;_; I know he's in a better place now though since everyone loved him so much! One of your presents finally came in too, and I'm waiting on the mangas now. >.< I'm gonna email planet anime soon about it, just to get confirmation again.

I think Elluvias (the fish that I named after Sakura's priest) is sick... ;_; Pray for him minna!

*huggles and snickerdoodles to minna*

2003-01-12T18:17:00.000-06:00

Feeling like pure shit tonight. -_- I could place blame on people but I won't. It'll just cause trouble anyway. Besides, I just need a good cry and it'll be out of my system. Tried working on anything html related. I utterly and completely suck. I'm stuck on Gitaroo Man, which is the game that I'm trying to play to death right now.

I need to be hugged/held so bad right now. But who the fuck cares, eh?

I bought a new fish today. Gonna name him Sabian I think. He's purple. Very pretty.

I guess I'll go transcribe some more of the rp that Pam and I were doing. It's about all I'm good for tonight. Sorry to be a downer. I'm just hurting very badly tonight.

2003-01-11T16:35:00.000-06:00

Thank you minna who tried to help me find webspace. I'm happy to announce that Pam and I finally chose one and yatta!! We don't have to leech space from minna anymore!!! *huggles all those who've hosted for us in the past though!*

www.chibi-tenkan.com

YOSH!! *pumps her fist in the air*

2003-01-10T15:26:00.000-06:00

*holds her aching head* OMG, someone stole my dear sweet angelic students and switched them with hellish clones today... I have a headache this fucking big and I'm tired.

But anyway, my mom and brother just left to go get Ruka. She'll be here for the next week and a half so yay ^_^ we have company again.

This weekend's projects? Revise the rp that Pam and I have been doing to form a story with it. ^^v

2003-01-09T15:51:00.000-06:00

Okay, I'm so tired of this I'll make an idiot out of myself to friends to ask these questions. Pam and I are going to go in together and buy some webspace. I want to create an original yaoi archive site as well as a randomness page, and Pam wants to move Toei Mountain there, which consists of her Kohri scanlations and her yaoi doujin scans. Everytime I find a web host that seems even worth the time, I find that little "no adult content allowed" sticker on it. Signing up with something like that would mean they have the right to delete and cancel service if they find out, right? Am I wrong? I know a lot of you out there are yaoi freaks with lemon stories and you buy your own webspace. I'm just nervous about these kinda things.

I even checked into "adult" web hosting.... I got spammed with a ton of sites that offered to host your porn vids... ^^;;;;;; NOT what I was looking for at ALL.

The web host Mona sent me to explicitly says in the Terms of Service that it will not host an anime/video game site. Even if I wasn't going to have that content, I'd of not gone with them just on sheer principle and it makes me worry for Mona. ;_;

Someone that knows about this shit please leave me a message and explain how the world of "adult content" works. I'm so damned frustrated I'm ready to give up.

2003-01-06T15:57:00.000-06:00

*sighs* Pam just left yesterday. We had a blast. I can't believe all the anime you can actually get watched in 10 days. I've now seen Bubblegum Crisis 2040, Slayers Next, Magic User's Club, some Arc the Lad, Scryed (again), Armitage III, Zetsuai/Bronze, Ai no Kusabi, Lesson XX, Carthexis (any yaoi fan that doesn't have this NEEDS it), Bad Teacher's Equation, Be-Boy Kidnapping Idol, and a smidgen of Trigun. Pam was just like I expected she'd be, but a lot prettier. Guess those convention pictures didn't really do her justice. o_O And yeah, I miss her.

Ruka will be here Friday ^_^.

I went back to work today too and saw all my babies. ^_________^ One girl had missed school so much that she "wrote" letters to me and the other teacher and she nearly made me cry reading them to me. "Miss Bolin you are one of the best teachers in the world and I'll never ever forget you and I love you so much and I hope you'll still love me when I get back. I will try to be a very good girl so you won't get angry with me and I want lots of hugs, okay? I love you." ;_; How sweet is this? *sighs* I think it's demented to love your job as much as I do.

Since Pam was here, I didn't get any writing done. But watching Cathexis made me realize exactly how the lemon scene in Waking the Land will go. I want to thank everyone who actually read that and commented on it, too. *huggles Rueger and Rin* I also had an idea for a PWP lemon between Gourry and Lina... ^^;;; No clue where it came from, I was a Xellos fan, honest. But Gourry has to be good at something besides swordswinging and idiodicy... Why I suddenly believe he must be kickass in bed is almost beyond me. Eh. Anyway, I will be working more on Waking the Land very soon.

Also getting webspace soon. And school starts back for me tomorrow night. -_- Don't wanna go. Oh yeah, adding a new link to Caramel Delights that any yaoi/manga fan should check out. Arcana really rocks. I think I'm hopelessly in love with Sloane and Holden. *sighs* I wish I could draw.

So that's enough bullshit from me for today. Hope everyone's 2003 ends up kickass.

*huggles and leftover candy canes to minna*

2002-12-26T22:33:00.000-06:00

Oh yes, before I get caught up with the mega anime/manga party Pam and I have planned, I just put a new cookie in the oven! Oh my gosh, it's something that Dani wrote and she's actually PROUD of so far! *shock shock horror!!*

Waking the Land was a working title, but I think I like it enough to keep it. It's an original fantasy shounen ai/yaoi story about a prince and a stable boy trying to... well... wake the land. ^^v It makes no sense now, but one day it will!!

But PLEASE let me know what you think. I'm very nervous over it. *bites nails*

2002-12-26T19:04:00.000-06:00

So... tired... of... cleaning....

PAM'S GONNA BE HERE TOMORROW! YAYYAYAYAYAY!! Uhm, but that means I may not be blogging much. I think only Rane, Yui, Sarabi, Rueger, and sometimes Asuka even read this silly thing so if you guys miss me... Blame Pam. ^____^

So I still have to get things finished before she gets here.

*hugs and fudge to minna*

2002-12-25T00:38:00.000-06:00

And should I worry that 3 of 6 blogs I just visited wished me a "merry f-ing christmas"? *blinkblinks* Well RIGHT BACK ATCHA, BABES!!!

...

I'll go play with my ps2 now.

2002-12-25T00:26:00.000-06:00

*Dani jumps up on a soapbox, holds on tight to her santa hat, and screams "HAPPY CHRISTMAS, MINNA!!"* (and yes, I'm still acting like the lil British kids)

Welcome Christmas, fah who rah-moose
Welcome Christmas, dah who dah-moose
Christmas day will always be
Just so long as we have we!
~From Welcome Christmas, Dr. Seuss~
(aka Dani's favorite x-mas song)

AND TAKE SOME DAMN CANDY! It's Christmas, after all! ^_^
*merry huggles to minna!*

2002-12-23T11:14:00.000-06:00

Seriously, I have to clean today. *nods solemnly*

*Casimir and Auley look at her with pleading eyes*

Casimir: We've been waiting ever so patiently for you to start this story, and now you want to CLEAN?
Auley: Really! How will we ever save the world and fall in love and live happily ever after if you don't WRITE?
Dani: *Thinks and snaps her fingers! Suddenly, Cas and Auley are in maid uniforms, both holding feather dusters and one of those nifty janitor push-carts* The quicker I get done cleaning, the sooner you boys can play!
Auley: *looks at short skirt* You're kidding, right?
Cas: *looks at feather duster* I can think of more than one use for this...
Auley: 0_0

Anyways, minna, what I'm trying to say is that I have two lovely muses in my head begging to have their story written and I've got 3 rooms to clean today. I had this funky dream last night where I woke up this morning (Monday) and was getting ready for work, and I wanted to mail out my gifts beforehand. So I rush to the post office. I don't know why I was trying to mail Pam her stuff because she's coming here Friday to get them, but I only had her address in Texas and not the one in New Jersey. I had to go back home and find it since I couldn't remember the zip code. By the time I got home, it was like 8:30 am and I was crying because I thought I'd get fired. Then mom laughs at me and asks if I forgot I don't have to work today because of the TWO WEEK CHRISTMAS BREAK! Then I was like "Oh." Then I forgot about Pam's gifts and crawled back into bed and went to sleep within my dream.

So yeah, no cleaning is getting done whilst I'm blogging. I bid you all good day.

*huggles and feather dusters to minna*

2002-12-22T14:20:00.000-06:00

Silly, I know. But I need names. I need 3 horses named. I need an old witch named. I need this story named, but I'll handle that part. Your suggestions are very welcome. I know, the last thing I need is to start another story but... *sighs* I can't stay focused!!

And Yui, I think I may have things pegged out for Illusional Hearts, but don't be surprised if you get an email explaining tons of shit and asking you for help! Thanks already go out to Pam and Joseph who showed me what was wrong with it to begin with. >.<

That's all I've to say for now. *hugs and peanut butter fudge cookies to minna*

2002-12-20T21:44:00.000-06:00

School's out for the year. *sighs* Gotta go back on January 6th. Yay. I'm gonna miss my lil brats soooo much... Maybe I'll hang around the toys at Wal-Mart and see them. And my gosh, I forgot I'm a teacher now and that children buy gifts for teachers... o_o you guys should see all the cute gifts I got that I have absolutely no use for that I'll never get rid of. ^^v

Saw The Two Towers last night. I think I like Fellowship better. Samwise and Aragorn are still my faves.

Christmas gifts will be mailed out Monday I hope, but they'll never make it to people on time. I want to just make one trip to the post office and Yui's gifts just don't seem to want to come in! >.<

I'm amazed by how much I've written in the past week. Three chapters on two different stories. Tonight I'm gonna clean some and then try to begin my nearly forgotten stableboy fic... Check the cookies in the oven section over there to see if I actually do. I'm calling my stories cookies now that are in the oven in hopes that I won't leave them in there too long and let them burn to nothing ^^;;

Speaking of writing, I need a co-author/muse/plotwriter for Illusional Hearts. I have a basic premise, the characters, the setting, la dee dah, but I can't write anymore until I get a background that works for one character. Let me know if you want to help.

Yui, where's that fic I'm to beta read? Oh, and that picture came from an artbook. I'll find out which one and who drew it, but I beleive he's just an art and nothing more. *nods*

Rane, you're LotR story will get read tonight!!

Sarabi, damn you getting my Samwise!!! I got Frodo on that quiz.... anyone that got Samwise wanna trade hobbits? I'm sure Frodo is really great and all, but Sam is just more my type. ;-)

Oh yeah, and Pam's coming to stay with me on the 27th. ^^;; That's why I gotta get major cleaning done this week. *looks around house and cries*

*huggles and bon bons to minna*

2002-12-18T18:29:00.000-06:00

Ahhh!! I feel so stupid! I'm so sorry Yui-chan for the whole picture ordeal! I just clicked on links in my address book and never realized I had sent those emails to two different addresses!! GOMEN NE!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY RANE!!!!!!!!!!!

In other news, my ear hurts.

So uhm... yeah.

2002-12-16T16:49:00.000-06:00

Well la~dee~dah! Dani finally gots her a new layout! Mmm, I want to make one of them my peppermint stick... ANYWAYS... Thanks to Rane for creating this lovely candy-centered piece for me, and to Ruka-neechan for hosting it. ^_^ I think something is weird with my comments, but I'll look into that later.

Right now, things are really busy with preparing Christmas for 20 preschoolers. I finished my finals last week as well, after being terrorized by one of my teachers ^^;;

I'm working really hard on writing here lately. I'm trying to get all I can out before I run dry again. Anyways, that's enough for now I think.

*huggles and candy canes to minna*

2002-12-09T18:52:00.000-06:00

Straaange... I have something I really want to rant about but I'm afraid to post it at my own blog. Weird, ne? Just a realization about my life I've come to, and it's almost disturbing. Heh, oh well.

2002-12-09T18:24:00.000-06:00

Welcome back, Miss Dani! I finally got to go back to work today and got to see all my babies! ^___________^ I was so happy to see those smiles and hear those giggles again. I just hate that I missed a week so close to Christmas. I missed the little questionairre thingy they had to do. ;_; But I still got to see the answers.

Mrs. H. : Where does Santa live?
Gabby: At the mall.
Haven: Somewhere.
Dylan: With some elves.
Lance: By the power rangers and the Easter Bunny.
Brian: At the horse pole!

Mrs. H. : Is Santa Claus married?
Most of the crowd: Yeah.
Some of the crowd: No.
Gabby: No, he's not. Well, my momma told me about it one time, but... wait. Oh yeah, I guess he is married!

Mrs. H. : Who makes the toys Santa brings?
Some kids: Elves.
Lance: God.
Brian: Some people... and maybe Taylour! (Taylour is another classmate.)
Davion: Wal-Mart or the Dollar Store.

Mrs. H.: What will you leave for Santa to eat?
Courtney: Catfish.
Lance: French fries.
Haven: Some steak and a potato and if he likes kool-aid he can have some of mine.
Sidnee: Hamburger. Do you think Santa likes pickles or mustard? I don't!

*sighs* They are soooo cute. This Christmas is gonna rock. My favorite part of the whole shpeal is seeing kids being happy and well... I got 20 of them!

They surprised me today with a field trip I didn't know we had ^^;; but it was fun and nice. And since it was too cold to go out at playtime, they had to watch a movie. Guess what movie Miss Dani happened to have in her new purse RAne bought her? GRINCH!! You know how there's like a song or a movie you have to see or hear before it's officially holiday time? The original grinch movie and Mariah Carey's All I Want For Christmas are those for me. Getting to watch Grinch with those kids was soooo much fun. They want to learn the Fah-who doraze song!! I SO HAPPY!!!

But... I am damned tired. And I did feel really sick but didn't say anything. I'll get better. I just don't want to be away from the kids anymore. :-P

*huggles to minna*

2002-12-08T00:43:00.000-06:00

^^ I cheated, but who the fuck cares?? ^^

I got Luc here, but his picture was messing with my layout ^^

2002-12-07T13:06:00.000-06:00

Holy shit. Three days in a row, now. Whoo, I'm getting good. ^^v Still didn't finish cleaning my room last night. Got to playing with Sei & Sabian again. Those boys... They've got minds of their own. Then when Pam went to bed, I had this writing bug biting my ass so I began to play with David and Anue and ended up finishing chapter one of Illusional Hearts. Whoot! Posted it at OY, Baby and at Fanfiction.net. Yay me, eh? *sighs* I have this sinking feeling no one will like it. But guess what? I did it, an original story and NO ANGELS! Yeehah!! Surprised? Me too.

Yui, I left you a message on your blog. There was like this Christmas song that you introduced me to about two years ago, and I can't remember the name of it or how it goes or anything... I know it was one of your favorites. I liked it too, but I just can't seem to remember! Please please please let me know the name of it! ;_;

Pam, are you ready for the catfight? And are two days up yet? *whimpers* I'll be good, I swear!

Rane, still wondering about the vegetables. Fresh produce, maybe? ^^;;

Sarabi, this week is finals, and I have to get the house semi cleaned up, and then maybe some Shayne Hannah stuffs will come out. ^^;;

*huggles to minna*

2002-12-06T13:29:00.000-06:00

Feeling even better today even though my throat still hurts. I think I found out what it is though. I breathe through my mouth as I sleep, causing ultra dryness in my mouth. If I breathe through my achy nose, it's not so bad. Anyway, I'm gonna clean my room today so if you see me on AIM check up on me and make sure I'm doing it. This weekend, I really need to buckle down and get to work on studying for finals. I finally feel up to it. ^^v

I need a new layout. BAD. Love ya Rinep, but the simpleness of this layout that I loved at first has become just too plain... And I think I have an idea...

I always do quizzes and never post the results... Well. I LIKE these results. I'll post em. ^_^ Found them at K-chan's blog, and realized that K-chan seems to miss poor Luc's point in Suikoden III. *sighs* Pam, you and I really need to leave Sei and Sabian alone for a night and work on our Luc & Sassy fics... *remembers Sei climbing into Sabian's lap and all the muack muack...* Or on second thought...

Which Genso Suikoden military strategist are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Which Suikoden 'Hero' Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

2002-12-05T13:04:00.000-06:00

About 3:45 this morning, I had this freaky ass lucid nightmare that I think I should post about. And usually when I have those lucid dreams, I get stuck in a state where I can't wake up. I'll dream that I'm waking up, or struggle to open my eyes or move my body, and nothing happens and I get scared that I'm dead or something. It scared the hell out of me at the time, but I got up and got online and talked with Yui a little bit and then it became actually funny. I hate it when I have nightmares, because they always have to be lucid and I can never wake myself.

In fact, I don't even remember all of it. I was in my old trailer in my mom's huge bed, curled against the wall that I used as a safe haven as a child. I was trying to go to sleep, but Rane came in and began to cry. She handed me this picture of a blonde man with his back turned, only the side/back of his head visible, no face. Judging by the colors in it, I thought it was Faust from Shaman King. I told her it was amazing because it was so lifelike. She cried even harder, telling me that she couldn't draw a cape on him. She said she had tried to draw a cape, but the ink or something wouldn't go onto the paper. So it being a lucid dream, I figured what the hell. I tore off some of my blanket and tried to put it into the picture and Rane grabbed the paper from me and started screaming "NOOO!" I looked back to the paper and the man in the picture had turned a little bit. "You can't change him! You have to write for him!" she yelled at me. "Else... he'll..." and she just got this far off look on her face that freaked me the hell out.

So I started trying to come up with a story idea for him. I was thinking something like Goldilocks meets Little Red Riding Hood and his cape was stolen, but then Sarabi walked in with a knife. She had this mad look on her face and just walked up to Rane and put the knife to the neck of the guy in the picture. Then Sarabi looked at me and smiled. "Maybe he never had a cape! Maybe he's a tortured soul that wanted one badly as a kid, but never got one, so now he wants to kill us all. Look! I think he likes it!"

And with that, both Rane and Sarabi turned the picture towards me and the guy started turning around slowly. I knew he he turned all the way around I'd die and I wanted to wake up but I couldn't. Everytime I thought I was awake, I was still asleep. I kept trying and trying... Finally right before he was all the way around I did wake up.

I got up, talked with Yui, and went back to bed and dreamed of Kuronue from Yu Yu Hakusho. ^_^ anyways, that's about as random as I'll get today.

2002-12-04T19:33:00.000-06:00

I'm actually starting to feel BETTER... Well, one of the first things I said when I got home from the hospital was how unfair it was that I spent my vacation week in the hospital and how I wanted another week... Someone please tell Dani to stop wishing for things! She gets her wishes granted and they are never how she expects! Like she wished Luc would have a bigger part in Suikoden III.... He did. Now Dani wished for another week... She got it. My doctor has basically placed me under house arrest until Sunday at the earliest. Yay. >.< So now I'm missing all my reviews for finals in my classes. Finals next week. YAY!!! Have I mentioned that Alcorn State University REALLY sucks? I'll be looking into taking online classes next fall when I will have enough hours to call myself a grad student.

*glomps Rane* SANKYUU for the PRETTY purse!!! Omg how'd you know I needed a new one and was looking at that exact type of material? I love it!! I can't quit petting it!! It's so big too, I can carry a notebook around with me so I'll never be stuck without something to write on! Yee haa!! ^^v Thank you so much!! And the Santa bandana... It's so Texas!! ^__^ When I get back to work, I'm gonna hang it on my desk or on the christmas tree one! It's so cute!! *glomps again* I love ya chic!

I'd thank Ranwolf for the super neat stuff he sent me, but he never comes here to read this anyway... I still want to call Yui to thank her personally for the MARS manga and the angel... Oh yeah, but I should tell you this here, chic... I gave the 2nd angel to my teacher, and she burst out crying and had to leave the room. She said that her faith in the world gets restored by people like you. The fact that I had friends who would do something like that for a total stranger that knew someone I cared about was hurting completely floored her. I gave her your address because she wanted to thank you personally. Do let me know if you hear something? We took up donations at my school for Eric's family as well. My teacher played our ambassador to deliver it, so she took the 3rd angel with her. The mother was so distraught that my teacher had to ask her not to open the box then, but later when she felt alone and needed something to pick her up. I'm sorry I can't say what happened to it beyond that though. There's no more leads in the case or anything. But *big huggles to Yui* I'm sorry I haven't had the chance to call yet. I've tried twice and both times I got busy signals. My voice isn't really all that great to use right now due to my sore throat but I will call sometime!! I love you chic!!

So I have 3 loads of laundry to do, 5 fish bowls to clean, 1 messy room that I can clean, and a partridge in a pear tree. Well, not really. Since I can't talk too much, Pam and I have really been rping our little shounen ai story out. Has no real title, we just call it Sei & Sabian. It's set in the world of Ragnarok Online, but we change it to suit our whims. It's really getting cute and the best part of it is? We don't tell each other what our characters are like or anything. We just set up situations and put the guys through it. It's really fun. *sighs* And I thought they were actually gonna kiss last night... Sabian's a wimp. >.<

Working on a new OY story as well. Not sure how it'll make sense in the end, but the beginning and certain scenes are very clear to me. I hope I am doing good with it. I'm gonna have to let some people see it soon. I think Sarabi has already read it. Ohh, and she's asked me for some more Hannah & Shayne... >.< The Christmas present I got Sarabi is something she most likely already has, so maybe if I could finish like a chapter or few by Christmas that could count...

OMG is this entry going to end? I had a new blog layout as well. My brother had colored a beautiful picture for me to use, and I deleted it thinking he had it on our webspace. Well, our host deleted it... and the only person I showed it to was Rane and she didn't save it either. *laughs* How am I gonna explain this to my brother? "Your sister is a biiig dork?" No, lately he thinks it's funny to call me a turkey. But I do need a new layout and I can't think of what to use. Actually I have this really hot fanart of Luc that would do wonderfully, but... I don't know who drew it and I can't steal it. Maybe I'll use Sapphi. Dunno. I'm ranting. I better get going now.

*huggles to minna*

2002-11-30T20:51:00.000-06:00

Dani's home! I came home yesterday. Thanksgiving in a hospital bed sucks, but my family postponed turkey day meals til Friday so Thanksgiving Dinner became my birthday dinner. ^_^ I'm doing good, I'm just so tired from having so little sleep. Not much to say really, just wanted to post and let everyone know I am home and doing well. Should've done so last night but I forgot to. ^^;; Gomen nasai, minna.... *huggles*

2002-11-25T12:25:00.000-06:00

;_; Dani's got pneumonia and will be in the hospital for a few days. *huggles to minna*

2002-11-18T19:15:00.000-06:00

Just posting to say that I'm busy as all get out and I'm about to go crazy! All my teachers decided they wanted stuff due in before Thanksgiving and tells us this crap last week! Ugh.

Anyway, I just wanted to sincerely thank Yui for her love and support and her letter that made me cry. I love you so much, chic! I'm sorry I'm not around more or able to call more often. It is much appreciated what you sent for me, Eric's mom, and the teacher. *hugs you tightly* And also, thank you for the MARS manga!!! *glomphuggles* ooooh I gotta make time to read those....

2002-11-16T12:54:00.000-06:00

*huggles to minna* I just want to thank everyone who has helped me get through this past week. I am doing much better, but I'm behind on a lot of my schoolwork now so I'm trying to get caught up. There still hasn't been an arrest in our town's murder case. But I can't just sit there and dwell on it. All I can do is pray that God keep the rest of the children safe and go on, right?

So yesterday was nothing short of an awesome day. My mom, brother and I all skipped work to go to Baton Rouge to see Harry Potter and to go shopping. ^_^ It was so fun. The movie was awesome, much more so than the last one I think, even if they did kinda bastardize two of my fave characters. While shopping, I found Ranwolf a christmas present and bought some anime DVD's. I bought the first Karekano DVD, and I actually like the english voices... Scary, since Arima's Japanese voice to me is the sexiest in all anime to me. I think the English one is a bit too deep, but I think they could have done a LOT worse. Now, Fruits Basket... *cries over poor Yuki* What the hell they were thinking when they gave Yuki a deep monotone is beyond me. Tohru... eh. She'll do. And Shigure, if I can get over how wrong they pronounce his name, is eh. Kyou is... Well, he's better than Yuki's voice at least. >.<

Then I came home and read some of my magazines, and Pam called... And we finished Suikoden III. OH. MY. GOD. I cannot describe the fear that game put into my heart last night. I cannot describe the shock I sat in. But, at least I got the good ending ^_^. I wouldn't of been able to bear not getting the good ending. I won't post spoilers here, but I will tell you guys this. Don't EVER wish that your favorite minor Suikoden character gets a bigger role in the next game. If you like someone like Qlon, or Melville, or even Wan Fu.... DON'T ask for a bigger part. You just might get it, and you may not like the way it goes. -_- As for me? I'll die a Luc fan. ^_^

^^v

2002-11-13T15:31:00.000-06:00

Thanks Katie & Yui. *huggles you both*

This post isn't going to be a picnic in the park either. Why? Because it couldn't be as simple as a 5-year old dying in a freak accident. No, it had to be a murder case. Eric was strangled to death, he did not drown. There was no water in his lungs and rope burns & bruises were around his neck. If that wasn't enough... He was severely raped. Signs show that it wasn't even the first time something like that had happened to him. His teacher this year suddenly recalled that he hadn't been eating for the past few weeks, and that he had become overly quiet and seemed to have no interest in his schoolwork. They believe that someone who knew Eric did this, or someone living on their street.

I can't help to be afraid for the rest of the children right now. And words cannot even describe the torture in my heart and soul right now as I search for a way to grieve properly for this baby. I've blamed God, I've blamed the parents, I've even blamed the school I work for. The only way I seem to be dealing with this is while I'm around my students at school, down in the floor playing with them, teaching them, and loving them, or either playing video games to escape all reality.

I feel so sick still. Someone better burn in Hell for this. I mean, five years old! Think about where you were 5 years ago. Does it seem like just yesterday to you? He only got to live for a few yesterdays. It's so not fair.

2002-11-11T15:59:00.000-06:00

Not a happy post so if you're looking for sunshine, leave now so I won't cloud up your path.

Saturday, one of my students, 5 year old Eric, drowned in the catfish pond in his backyard. The mother said it had only been 15 minutes since she last saw him and went to check on him. He didn't answer her calls, so she walked out and happened to look in the pond. She dove in, pulled him out, and performed CPR. But the poor baby was already dead. He was one of the more popular kids in school, so everyone knows him pretty well. I subbed in his class for an entire week last year... the same class that I'm an aide in this year. So not only have I been searching for some way to deal with this, but I've had to support my teacher who was a complete wreck and the both of us had to somehow run the classroom today.

When I learned about his death last night, I cried. But I got over the shock and thought God just needed another angel and had chosen Eric. Today, I can't find comfort in that. I realize I'm not coping well at all. Everyone's trying to blame the mother and so forth, but I just can't see why God would take him from us. He was only FIVE. He was the cutest little troublemaker you've ever seen, the kind that gets in trouble but smiles his way out of any really serious punishment. And what's even sadder is that Pam was right... this stuff happens every day and it doesn't even faze you because you don't know the child. You just kinda say, "Yeah, that's sad... That's really sad..." and in three minutes it's over for you. I feel so sick.

We spent the day printing out pictures that the teacher had taken of him last year to create a collage of happy pictures of him. It was just last Thursday that I was teasing him when he couldn't tie his shoe. On my duty days, he'll never come into the cafeteria for his lunch card again where I always stole a hug from him. His teacher for this year is plagued by the fact that he pretty much sat in the corner for the entire week last week. My teacher is haunted by the fact that she sat him in time out a few times and took away from time he could have been playing since he had so little of it. I'm just haunted by the fact that a child.. no, a baby. A baby is dead.

As I walked to class this morning, I passed my students in the hallway as they waited to be able to go to class. And all I could think about was how glad I was that it was a strong possibility I could see each one at least. I made sure to hug each one of my students today and get a smile out of them. I rubbed each one's back as they laid down for a nap. I had the utmost patience with them. I just wanted to be sure that they all understood that I loved them even if I didn't say it. Because I don't know that Eric did. And I hope you all know that I love you too, just in case something happens where one of us isn't here tomorrow.

*gigantic hugs to minna*

2002-11-10T01:51:00.000-06:00

*falls to the floor panting* Luuuuuuuuuuuuuuuc!!!!!!! Omg how hot can a drawn guy get?? *pants some more and passes out*

2002-11-09T12:09:00.000-06:00

Yah, I am back... Just don't have much time to sit in front of a computer due to school and Suikoden III. OMG Suiko3 rocks my socks off but I won't post any spoilers or anything here. Except for the fact that there's a guy named Rody in it and I want to do some very inappropriate things to him..... *snickers*

The housesitting job went well. Uhm... I saw The Ring last night so I'm still kinda weirded out by a lot of things.

Psychopathic girl: You see the ring and then you die....

Frodo: *looks down at the one ring and cries*

Okay enough insanity for now. Pam and I are gonna do Suikoden III outtakes I think, as well as a few comics, so if anyone else is playing and discovered anything so funny you pee your pants over it, let me know! ^^v

On a sadder note, my favorite student Matthew moved away without getting to say goodbye... ;_;

*huggles to minna*

2002-10-20T12:43:00.000-05:00

Guess it's time for my weekly update, eh? Hehe, at least I'm keeping more up to date on my blog that some people are... ^_^v I'm evil today, must be the full moon coming. Or the coffee. Or the lack of sleep. Or the insane amount of work I have to do today. Or... *blinks* Oh yeah, I'll stop now.

This past week at work was pretty neat, and school went really well since I passed my midterms in classes that I was currently failing. I wanted to post here much sooner this week, but I was in a broken state and was only gonna cry about how my life is never going anywhere and I'm gonna fail all my classes this year and never get to be a teacher. >.< So yeah, I'm over that for now and yay, huh?

Had a student draw me as an angel and write her name beside it, and it turned out looking like greek or something but it's so damn cute it's hanging on my wall. I want to scan it and use it for a layout. Speaking of layouts *huggles her brother Josh for coloring the pic she will use on her birthday-Christmas layout* Thanks muchos! And look! The chicken... he has been fooled.

Spending this weekend doing many things, like trying to get all my homework for the upcoming week done. I also have to get my perfect ending to Suikoden II... After all SUIKODEN III COMES OUT ON FRIDAY!!! And no Ferrum, I haven't forgotten my promise to you of recording as I play, but I will record it my 2nd time through because of complications with VCR's right now. Whoo, I have so much to do to get ready for that. Yesterday, I got a ceiling fan and we put it up. I love it, it feels so good in my room now! It's just I have a low ceiling and I'm the only one who doesn't have to duck in my room now. ^_^

Also, I have to pack. I'll be moving into a new house Tuesday afternoon to housesit for this lady. I'll still be getting online to check things so I'll make sure to sign everyone's blog and email everyone as often as I can since she has no internet and it's kinda impossible to hook up to the internet because of the way her phoneline is set up. I'll be gone until about November 6-7, so if you don't catch me online much, you know where I am. I wouldn't be online much coming up anyway due to SuikoIII ripping my heart out and stepping all over my emotions after the roller coaster ride I'll be on. Try not to miss me too much, okay? *huggles minna*

I spent all night on the phone with Peggy & Levi last night... my god what a trip that was. I haven't spoken to them forever so it was neat to discuss a lil bit of anything and everything with them. ^_^ Who'd of thought a straight man could write such lovely yaoi scenes? Eventually when he gets it typed up, I'll show some people the excerpts from it on OY, Baby! since it's part of that one story I've already posted there. The chibi scenes for the Reign of Chaos rpg are so damn cute...

What else did I want to say... *thinks* Oh yeah, my amazing drainpipe fish Hiei is still alive and kicking. Didn't faze him much at all. He couldn't leave Kurama behind that easily, eh? *snickers*

For anyone looking to get into a cute shounen-ai-esque manga, read Apocripha/0. It's about two princes of hell, the first born from his father's red eye, the second born from his father's blue eye. The red prince is to be the successor, but he's a complete idiot. Think Shuuichi of Gravitation ruling Hell. And then the blue prince, who Rane is in love with, is the more intelligent and seemingly more suited for the throne. The blue prince challenges the red one for the right to the throne, and all the while they have to fight the angels that come down from heaven in hopes of destoying them. Each prince has a guardian that has guarded and trained them from birth, and each guardian has his own way of doing things. Really great manga. It's up there on my favorite manga list, right below Diary of a Demon King. Why do I always fall for the cutesy/serious/mock-angsty mangas instead of the serious grown-up full blown ones? *blinks* Ah well. What I like is what I like. Too bad not many other people like it as much as I do. I'm just happy that I'm into some kinda of manga whereas for a long time I turned my nose up at it altogether.

If any of my friends reading this lives in Korea or lives somewhere that they can buy Korean manga, please get in contact with me. I would not only pay for the mangas and shipping, but I'd also pay you to do it for me. *wants more Diary of a Demon King that badly* >.<

So I better get going now and start some homework. Can't play SuikoII til homework is done, and can't pack til SuikoII is perfectly ended. So if I don't post again before I leave for my housesitting job, I love you guys and I'll talk to you soon!! *blows you a biiiig kiss* Muhhhh-Wha!

*megahuggleglomps to minna*

2002-10-14T00:07:00.000-05:00

Note to minna who talks to me via AIM... too many random people that I don't know IM me as SaitohChic.... so I changed my name. I'll be going back and forth at first trying to get names and add everyone, but my new name is Sapphi Hawthorne so please add me!

*huggles to minna*

2002-10-12T22:07:00.000-05:00

So much to say where to start where to start... First off, I'm supposed to be doing homework...

Work's going okay I guess. I still love the kids, my co-workers are still driving me crazy, but it's still a fun job. School... eh. I'm passing two classes with flying colors and the other two I'm failing miserably. It's strange because I don't fail classes. I have this feeling that I don't even care though. Really weird.

So now it's time for the tale of the amazing drainpipe fish that wanted to scare the living hell out of momma. *glares at her fish Hiei* Cleaning his bowl, he decides to jump right out of my hand in into the drainpipe. Momma panicks, gets her mother, and then uses the catchpipe to get him out of the drain. He's okay... I think. He's really stressed for sure and I don't know if all that gunk in the pipes won't kill him. I don't know how long he'll live now but I hope that this won't get him down at all. *crosses fingers* I think Kurama may take ill if Hiei weren't around... Elluvias, my priest fish, was watching as that whole episode happened... maybe he had something to do with it. ^^;;;;

I tried to take on a project for Pam and Yui too that could work as a x-mas gift... but it isn't panning out to well. I'll have to go with the original plan, but they will get a taste of what I had planned anyway. I hope it doesn't spoil them.

Got a new obsession. And no, it's not Kingdom Hearts. It's actually manga. I've been into Diary of a Demon King for quite some time now, but I've gotten into reading more and more scanlations. Apocripha/0 is my newest fave, and I honestly can't say which of the people I like the best. There just isn't one that sticks out, I love them all. Alex, Sapphi, Rubi, Platina, Carrol, Zil, Beryl... and even Jade. Expect a layout change due to it. That is, if Yui will host my pics again.... ^^;;; I swear Pam and I are gonna get some webspace one day...

Anyways, *huggles to minna*

2002-10-05T20:17:00.000-05:00

Happy! >.< No really, I woke up happy yesterday and now I think I'm cool. Talked to friends and parents, worked some problems out, and we're doing good. Been listening to Super Drive insistantly.

KH fic and an OY story in the wings. Let's see how it goes.

2002-10-03T20:47:00.000-05:00

Lili's raging against my windows and shaking my home pretty bad, but I've dealt with worse. School was cancelled today though, both my job and my classes. Chances are they will be tomorrow too. Yay, eh?

I meant to post Monday, but forgot. I think I have a max of 3 people reading this anyway and they all know how lazy I can get when stressed out. I love you all, though. But things went fine Monday and I'm still in classes. I'll be looking into taking classes online next semester. I'd look into it now, but you have to be 23 years old if you don't take classes on the campuses of most schools like that. I'll be 23 in November, so...

I don't know what it is with me lately. Today I'm having trouble concentrating on one thing. I've watched more tv today than I have in the past month. And don't think I stayed on one channel, either. I feel like I have pushed everyone away somehow and started feeling lonely. So I try to get them back, and get back into what they are into but it's too late. I can't. And no one is into what I'm into for more than five minutes lately. I feel very left out of things, not just with friends but with work and life in general. So I'm making efforts to make an idiot of myself and not let myself get left out. If it involves me chirping, "What's going on?" to the same person 75 times in an hour, so be it. They'll get the point eventually, right? I feel very paranoid that people are talking/laughing about me behind my back. I think some of my friendships lately may be out of pure sarcasm. I'm not taking criticism as well as I used to. In fact, I'm not able to take it at all right now. One person can say something jokingly at me, but I know there's a ring of truth behind it. I'll smile at them and then go cry myself to sleep later that night. Maybe if I get a little bit of balls I can start saying something back. But others are gonna end up hurt, too. Like my mom, for one. Our boss at the school caught us as we walked onto campus yesterday morning. I was dressed up for the class picture that we were to take that morning and had a change of clothes with me because god forbid I ever have to deal with four-year olds in anything but pants. My skirt came right up above my knees. "Uh, Danyale? Getting a little fast there, aren't ya, kid?" >.< And I launched into an explanation that I had in fact measured it to make sure it was dress-code friendly, and that I brought a change of clothes and wouldn't be in the dress long anyway. My mom and the boss fall out laughing. I'm standing there, red faced as all hell. He told me he was only joking. But I know that if he said that, he had to be thinking it. Little things like this that I used to laugh off are getting to me. And well... It's not normal for me. So I'm trying to get back on track. Had I said something else to the boss, my mom would have caught hell for it all day since she works so closely with him. And there are plenty of other situations I could name, but it'd just piss people off. They'd blame me for it anyway. God I sound like Eeyore. ^^;;

Oh yeah, I'll be moving out on October 23 to go housesit for my old English teacher. Her dog Ned is amazing and cute, I love her cat, and her beta fish is darling. Her house is... well, it's a VERY nice house. But I don't know that I'll have internet access outside the 20 minutes I'll have in my mom's office before school every morning. So...

I miss you guys. I keep saying I'll spend more time online and then I don't. *sighs and kicks herself*

*huggles to minna*

2002-09-28T11:13:00.000-05:00

I stayed really sick this week. Only made it to work 3 1/2 days this week, and I only went to school once. If my throat would get rid of all the frogs in it, I'd be fine.

So you know how lots of people say Mondays suck? Well Fridays are my Mondays. From now on, I freaking hate Fridays. I left work early yesterday to go take care of some business on the main campus of my university, some business they said I had to get taken care of that day or else I'm getting kicked out of classes. So I'm sick, and I worked my ass off on Thursday at work to get all the things I'd have to do Friday done, and I left early to get there. I had called them ahead of time to find out the closing time, and I was told it was 4:00. My mom called later and asked, and she was told the same thing. I get there at 2:55, and everyone is walking out of the offices. Apparently they closed early or something. Needless to say, my dad (who came with me but sat in the car) finally got to witness one of my panic attacks first hand. I've been going to classes religiously for 6 weeks now. I've already turned in two of my major projects for two of my four classes. Now it seems like I'm going to be kicked out. So I'm going to call out of work Monday and go back up there and beg my way into someone's office or... I don't know. I'm very hurt, mad, frustrated, and sick right now. I have all these big assignments due next week too, and I wonder if I should even waste my time on them. I have to write & illustrate a children's book... ^^;;;

Kingdom Hearts SO rocked. I'm replaying it now to get all the special things and junk. If anyone sees a plushie or a figure of a Shadow Heartless please think of me, I think it's completely adorable. (You'll have to rightclick that link and use copy shortcut to make it work... damn rpgamer...)

Rane, thank you for the card you sent me! That was very sweet of you and I hope you are feeling better too.

Yui, I'm going to try to call you today as well.

Pam changed her layout again... It looks like Sano but it's not... hehe ^^;;

I still love my job at the school. The kids are wonderful and I am amazed at my patience. I didn't think I had that much. I realized why I want to work with children so bad too while I was panicking yesterday. In any other field out there, like a lawyer or a secretary or something, I'd have to work with adults and wouldn't be appreciated as much as I need to be. Those kids need me to teach them, they need me to help them shape their minds and ideals, they need me to help learn who they are and how to succeed in life. But moreso than they need me? I need them to feel like I'm actually important to somebody without having to question it. I don't mean that like I don't know I'm important to all my friends, but just in general in a workplace. No matter what, small kids will always like a teacher and all their teachers will always remain important to them. Does that make sense without offending anyone? ^^;; When I worked at Wendy's, I knew I was a damn good employee, but I was overworked and no one ever said thank you. When I acted up on the job, I was reminded of how quickly I could be replaced. I wasn't important to them at all. At the grocery store, I did my best to do everything I could for them, but when it was time to get the store in running order and everything, it wasn't important that my sinuses were messed up, it was only important that I stick my head in the really cold freezers and straighten things inside it up. The only thing in that store that was important was the store itself and the customers. As a teacher, touching a child's life like that... I am forever and without question important and no one can take that away. I think that explains my point better.

Oh yeah! Yesterday was payday too! They held out like $150 out of my check for retirement and taxes and junk! I was mad over that too, but after paying bills I have all but $20 left. *sighs* At least next month is my housesitting thing!

So anyway, I'll post Monday to tell what happened with the university and all. I may find myself with a lot more time on my hands suddenly.

*huggles to minna*

2002-09-23T07:41:00.000-05:00

*peers out from under her rock and waves, trying to manage one of those cute Sora-grins* Uhm, hi? No, I haven't really been avoiding people... I just wanted to take some time away from the net still because I've gotten used to things offline again. I'll still be on every now and then like I always am, but right now, as I fight this confounded sinus infection, I have two words to say in my defense.

Kingdom Hearts.

It's the best thing since FFX for sure. And I'm having a ball with it!!!

2002-09-15T15:40:00.000-05:00

*huggles to minna for standing by her through all this* I love you guys, I really do. ^^v I've been so damn happy this past week. With the exception of the first half of Wednesday, that is. I love the children in my class and know that I have the chance to be a big part of their lives. School is kinda overwhelming me still, but I'm making it. I don't have to worry about my grocery store job since I quit that. My sinuses are trying to kill me but I've filed a restraining order in the name of Tylenol Sinus/Allergy and they've been kinda obeying it. ^^v

It's weird that I can't find much to say... I'm kinda out of it still I guess.. ^^v But Dani loves you all!! *megaglomps*

2002-09-11T21:48:00.000-05:00

Today hurt a year ago and it still hurts today. The teacher of the preschool class I'm in is away for workshops, so I was in the room today with a sub who wanted me to act like the teacher. And today, the school gathered around the flagpole to raise it at half-mast to say a prayer and sing a few patriotic songs. So I have to tell the kids why they are going out and doing this, right? Imagine yourself sitting in front of twenty four-year olds sitting surprisingly quiet and having to explain 9-11 to them.

Me: All right. I want you children to listen to me carefully. A year ago today, something really bad happened. Some people didn't like America so they decided to hurt us and a lot of people lost their lives.

Dylan: They died?

Me: *winces* Yes, Dylan, they died. A lot of people were trying to save other people and ended up hurt, too.

Caitlin: Why?

Me: Because some people were angry with the USA. They didn't like some of the things that America was doing.

Dylan: So a lot of people died?

Me: Yes.

Ashton: *really worried look* Miss Bolin, this is just a story, right? It's not for real, is it?

Me: *nearly at a loss for words and fighting back tears at the pure honesty from the child* No, baby. This really happened. It's very very sad, isn't it?

Class: *nods with solemn faces*

Me: We're going to go outside and sing some songs for them, okay? You may not know the words but you can just look at the flag at it'll be the same.

Ashton: Will it make those people that got hurt feel better?

Me: *ready to cry again* Yes, sweetie, it'll make them feel much better if you just even try to sing.

Strangely enough, even though we weren't legally allowed to teach them the pledge of allegiance, I was able to convey the message that they needed to put their right hands over their hearts as the flag was raised. A lot of the kids kept their eyes on me as they sang and moved their mouths trying to see the words come out of my mouth. The tiny kid that could fit in his backpack was looking up at the flag at half-mast and fell over from looking up so high. And they all agreed to not watch television today. It's not my decision to make, sure... but... If you think you have issues dealing with it even know, if they saw the images and knew they were real? I don't want to hide the fact from them, but the repeated images of what happened? *sighs*

*hugs to minna*

I quit my grocery store job yesterday. I'll be around more coming up kinda soon, but I can't make promises about what I can do anymore. I love my kids and I have to get through school...

2002-09-11T07:03:00.000-05:00

*lights a candle and lets it burn here in remembrance* I hope by now, that everyone is safe and secure, and has been given the strength to deal with those that weren't.

2002-09-04T07:45:00.000-05:00

I have a little bit to say and not much time to say it. *is at work and has like 5 minutes*

I want to apologize to everyone right out because I don't know if I'm overreacting or not, but I most likely really won't have time for the internet. I'm sure I'll still be around to post little things and let people know I'm alive, but until I can quit my job at the grocery store, which may take about 3 or 4 more weeks, I'm swamped. I have 3 major projects due within the next 2-3 weeks, and I have to find time to work together on people that live all over the state of Mississippi to do them with. So how is a girl that lives in Louisiana supposed to find time between her full-time job, her classes, and her part-time job to do all these projects? She's gonna have to have everything ready to show the others in class, and that means I have to step out on a few things that I enjoy. ;_; But I'll be a teacher soon, and that's what I want. So... I hope my friends have patience with me and won't hate me for dissappearing and will know me when I get back. Psh, who knows? I may be overreacting.

Pam, thank you for helping me kick yesterday's ass. I feel much better today and am ready to take on whatever else they wanna pile on my plate. *throws her head back and sings and giggles* THANK YOU FOR WAKING ME U~UP!

*hears a BANG somewhere in the background and gets worried* hehe...

*huggles to minna*

2002-09-02T20:33:00.000-05:00

*puts on bee wings* ^^v Hi guys, still alive! Spent the day shopping and doing homework. And not much to say, I just really wanted to post here to let people know I'm thinking of them. Because a lot of my friends are going through some tough shit right now. And my heart is with them. You know who you are. *huggles to minna*

2002-08-29T16:16:00.000-05:00

One of my professors said that she hates to see a teacher act like she can't get up from behind her desk, always complains she's tired, etc... She said they were the most unmovtivative assholes in the world and she blames street crime on them. She said that no one, even if you aren't a teacher, should act like they are dead until they ARE dead. So I plan to take her words to heart and try to quit bitching as much as I have been. A month or so ago, I was complaining because I had no life, never did anything, etc... And now that I have two jobs and school I'm complaining about that. So when will I just say, "Okay, I'm happy!" My job, my friends, my life... everything is just how I want it to be (kinda) so I will say I am happy. *nods* But I am busy. That isn't a complaint, that's just a plain out fact. I'm glad that all my friends are being very understanding with me as I get adjusted to this. I'm glad that no one has yelled at me telling me how behind I am on some things. I will catch up, honest.

So anyway... Is anyone else getting a bitch-fit from YACCS everytime they try to sign someone's blog? 0_0 everytime I try to sign someone's, it gives me a DNS error. >.< So I'm responding to a few things here from various blogs.

Pam? LOVE the layouts, on both your blog and your site. As for the white lines on your blog? Pretend it's SUPPOSED to be that way and say to hell with whoever complains. What do you mean I'm the one who complained?? *hangs head* gomen nasai... And you and Spring can rape Hiei alll you want... but it's still not as fun as having him chain you to his bed.... :-P

Yui? OMG. Uhm... okay... LOVE the layout, I licked Kamui throuroughly, so tell everyone else to back the hell off. And YOU DREW MOMIJI?? No wait... let me rephrase this.... You TOLD me you DREW MOMIJI before you had it scanned and able to show me?? *chokes you!!* Huh? You can't show me if I choke you to death, eh? *lets go* I'm sorry.

If anyone ever needs someone to muse to kick their ass into gear after a writers block? Call Sarabi. *nods and huggles her for all the lovely fanart she's been getting for their characters* ^^v

Sakura!!! OMG Chapter 15!!!! CHAPTER 15!!!!!!! AHHH! *blinks* It totally went the other way from what I thought it would do! But gosh... It's GREAT! WAI WAI WHOO HOO!!! *snuggles Elluvias* Beautiful priest-boy... How I love thee...

In other news? My class is the CUTEST. 21 little angels... Some are working on breaking that halo or constantly adjusting the halo to sit atop the horns that hold it up just right... But we're working on it ^^v I printed out this little banner Rane made me with Momiji that says "Miss Dani" on it and taped it to my desk. The kids have to call me Miss Bolin but still it's cute. And if I have to do the Tootie Ta one more time... *cries* lol Oh yeah, no complaints...

2002-08-26T19:24:00.000-05:00

^^v Time's infinite, right? So why the HELLS is there never enough time??? >.< Okay well...

Tonight's projects:
1. Write Sakura an email, because I have been sooo behind and she just might miss me.
2. Actually do the homework I've thrown off for nearly a week now.
3. Write some on "The End With You."
4. Be in bed by 11:00pm.

So, saying it's about 7:30 now, does anyone see the problem with this? *grins*

Well, I found out which kids will be in the class I'm an aide in and which weren't. Of the 7 kids I absolutely had to have in my class, 5 of them made it. ^^v We're staggering the class for the rest of the week, which means half the kids come on Tuesday and Thursday, and the other half on Wednesday and Friday. You can bet I'll have much much much to say about my little sweethearts.

I miss everyone though. I feel like I haven't talked to a lot of people in a very long time. I'll get used to this schedule one day and will handle it better than I am right now. *hugs to minna*

Update: Homework's done, but it's ten minutes til 9. A friend dropped by and we talked for quite a while about stuff that gave me a headache. Yay. Sooo... let's see. 3 more to go, right? *opens up email to write email*

2002-08-23T22:40:00.000-05:00

*squeezes eyes shut* I so tired... but I gonna make it! *sings* I will survive!

I feel kinda bad because I haven't been online much lately to see people, but time is short. I'm way behind on my email to Sakura. I have half of it written but haven't been able to finish it. Between her and trying to talk Pam's friend Jobe into playing Vagrant Story, I want to play it again >.<

Plus Sarabi's story is coming along... And I thought I would never write another original het fic... ^^;; But well, when you find out that you and your friend had your first kiss from a guy of the same name? It's kinda cute, ne? ^_^

*huggles to minna*

2002-08-22T20:38:00.000-05:00

I don't know what the fuck to do. My server moved theirselves and I don't think that remote picture linking is accepted anymore. I am panicking right now, so I can't do anything constructive. I can't figure it out because I'm such a dumbass. So to everyone who has pictures hosted by me? I'm really sorry. If anyone wants to temporarily host my two pictures needed for my blog, please let me know. As for the OY Baby blog, there are 6 pictures that need hosting and no clue what to do there either.

*throws her hands up in the air and goes to cry in a corner somewhere*

2002-08-20T19:24:00.000-05:00

Don't mind me. I'm swinging through moods like a monkey in the breeze... *blinks* WTF does a monkey in the breeze do? Get blown on? o_O

Okay, well, back from my Language Arts class. As if I haven't had enough English classes in my day, I'm taking yet another on how to teach it. The teacher was very enigmatic though, I love her already. The girl I thought was going to be my study partner suddenly doesn't act like she knows me anymore. And our first assignment? Write a 1-2 page autobiography. AND write your name in the middle of a page, circle it, and write six words that describe you around it. *coughs* High school? Anyone? *looks around* Well. I'm sure she's going to have a greater point to the madness. But six words? >.<

And Yui, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to lash out at you, you've done nothing to deserve that. I just read your email at the worst time I possibly could have... After a long hellish day at work, when I was really hungry and upset, and damn tired and grouchy. Gomen nasai, though I don't deserve it.

Now to get some things updated, and see if I can't do a post at OY Baby.

2002-08-20T16:48:00.000-05:00

Lately, there seems to be more bad days than good ones when I decide to post, huh?

Day two on my job. We have no kids there yet. -_- I am so utterly not getting along with my coworkers and not fitting in that it isn't funny. I realized that the reason that I'm just now going back to college myself is that I just don't want to fucking go. It's been a long dreary ass day, where I had to sit in a hot, dark hallway and fill out data sheets on children all day and get laughed at because I was working so hard. I am never going to fit in.

Got two emails today. One from Sakura, one from Yui.

Going to post at OY Baby tonight, too.

Pam updated her Toei Mountain with Rane's help. It looks great! I'm so proud that she works so well with penis.

I'm quite worried about Pam's poor dad too. >.< *huggles him and her*

Only good news? Sarabi, inspiration hit. It's still sketchy, and I know it's not what you wanted or expected. But it's the best I can do in my life where I can't do anything right.

This depressing post is suprisingly NOT brought to you by the letters P, M, and S, but more by the weight of the world trying to crush me. *nods*

2002-08-18T16:50:00.000-05:00

Have you ever not known all the sides to a story and therefore you felt really hurt and abandoned? And then you feel like an idiot and a jackass when that one last piece to the puzzle falls into place? Then you just want to apologize to people, but you haven't told them that you misunderstood and you will look like an asshole if you tell them, so you just kinda try to keep it to yourself for fear of pissing someone off.

*sighs* I really wanna be at home sleeping and lazing around today. I don't know that I'll get online tonight when I get off from work. So *huggles to minna* and I hope that everyone will wish me luck for tomorrow. Good luck to Sarabi too, who's a bit worried about her registeration tomorrow.

How in god's name could I forget to tell Sakura S. in my email to her that Vagrant Story is one of my favorite games EVER? It also contains TWO of my favorite yaoi pairings... *sighs*

I feel so damn distant today. I've been snapping on customers all day, too. -_- That's what no sleep and worry does to you I guess.

*huggles to minna again*

2002-08-17T22:18:00.000-05:00

I used to swear I'd never buy/wear clothes with Looney Tunes and Pooh and Mickey Mouse on them... Now that I'm a pre-school teacher? Guess what? ^^;;;;;;

So to all of you who wanted to join the original yaoi blog? It's made, up, fully functional, and everyone should have invites. So far, no one's responded ;_; but I think Rane just did. Visit OY, Baby! for further details. I hope I haven't created a dead blog ^^;; But if people use it the way I see in my mind? It'll be wonderful.

My gosh... Monday my new life begins... *bites nails off* omg omg omg omg omg.... Sooo nervous.... *takes deep breath* This is gonna be so much fun! Everyone pray for me or whatever you do to wish people luck, okay? >.<

If you haven't checked out Pam's wonderful Kohri scanlations? You should head on over to the Toei Mountain. I'm really proud of her and glad that I know someone who can actually do this sort of thing.

Gosh I miss Yui. *pouts* I'm gonna miss all the time that I used to have online too....

*huggles to minna*

2002-08-16T20:14:00.000-05:00

Well, my peaceful carefreee life seems to have ended. Busy has moved in and he's here to stay.

Best news: I got a job as a teacher's aide in a preschool class. I'm very very happy. Monday - Friday, 8:00-3:30.

Pretty good news: I am in school myself as well. Monday -Thursday, 6:00-8:45.

Weird news: I still have to hold down my job at the grocery store for now until my first paycheck comes through. That means I'll be working Saturdays and Sundays, long hours at the store.

The worst parts of it all: Pam may not get to visit, I'm gonna be very overworked with hardly any time for myself, and no more late nights on the internet.

Not really in the mood to write, but I thought I should post this before I got caught up in next week, where all of this comes into play. It all starts Monday, so if I seem gone... I probably am. ;_; And just when I wanted to get the yaoi blog going too... Well. Maybe when I can quit my job at the store I'll have time to work with it more. Just be patient with me, minna, okay?

*huggles minna*

2002-08-15T01:39:00.000-05:00

*GRINS*

SaitohChic: I've incorporated your penis game with chatting with my friends
SaitohChic: since we all work on so many of these blog pages, we often bitch and moan about html
SaitohChic: so I started replacing html with a word that is more fun
SaitohChic: Penis
Lord Amazing: With penis this simple, you shouldn't be having a problem with the white not showing
SaitohChic: Rane works with penis a lot. I suck at penis, but then again I'm new to penis. Haru is trying to help me with this penis.
SaitohChic: my penis is broken ;_;
SaitohChic: the white won't come out
SaitohChic: at least for Haru it won't
Lord Amazing: I think some browsers are too to handle penis of this magnitude
SaitohChic: I think so too
Lord Amazing: It's been far too long since I worked with penis, I just haven't had the need to use my penis skills I guess
Lord Amazing: Mind you, I've taken 2 classes designed to teach me to effectively use penis
SaitohChic: lmao
SaitohChic: this conversation is so going up on my blog
Lord Amazing: This conversation on penis will be written in penis and put up on a yaoi board
SaitohChic: not a yaoi board
Lord Amazing: Think of all the entertainment your penis is going to provide
SaitohChic: and won't be written in penis
SaitohChic: it'll be written just like this here
SaitohChic: much like a post to a group or something
Lord Amazing: I see
SaitohChic: you hit post & publish and the site does it for you
Lord Amazing: automated penis creation, convient. It takes care of all the penis work

^^v *huggles to minna*

2002-08-14T17:53:00.000-05:00

Surprisingly enough? Only a threat of a panic attack, which was quickly quelled by the smile of a child... right after she stamped on my foot and stuck her tongue out at me. >.<

My reason for nervousness this past week? Registering for school at a huuuge university that has a branch near my town. So many forms, worries of money, so many unanswered questions, and my fear of going back have had me nervous as hell and panicking left and right these past few days. But to all who made me smile and took my mind off of it? *bows deeply* Arigatou. I think I'll be okay now.

One of my old friends took me to register today, since she had to do so as well. She brought her 7-year old daughter who is such a little cutie but a brat at the same time. Her and I get along GREAT. But things were going good with the thousands of steps I had to take and the loooong 4 hour lines I had to stand in until I hit the one line that said I didn't have what they needed to see. I won't have what they need to see til next week, so I began to freak. I left the line and the daughter followed me. I was in the corner of the huge room, about to flip out, wondering why in the HELL I was even putting myself through this shit. Would a career in teaching really be worth all the shit I'm going through? And that's when Kayleigh stomped on my foot and stuck her tongue out at me, and then smiled. My reasons for doing it all came back to me and I realized I was being stupid. ^_^ So... classes start Monday. I'll be going to classes from 6:00pm-9:00pm on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday. ^^;; Not to mention I still have to hold down my job at the store. >.< Well, we'll see how things go. I think it means I have to cut way down on my online time....

Also, I wanna formally apologize to Yui for running off like I did last night, but I had to get into the bed because my head was throbbing and I had to be at the university at 8:00am. *huggles Yui* I'm really sorry about that, I feel so bad over it. *sighs*

I made the yaoi blog, but am still trying to create a decent layout. >.< I want to use some art of guys that aren't from a manga/anime, like the guys from Azumi's artbooks or maybe I can beg Asuka to let us use Yaoi Boy. But so far, I have a few more people interested in it, and hopefully it won't flop like I fear it will.

No more clues on the mystery of the bell, except for it has something to do with Asuka as well as Pam. I WILL get to the bottom of this!

Pam? *huggles you tight* I hope you're okay. Karen's a bitch, plain and simple. People who are nosy are just that way because their own life sucks so they must find out things about others that make theirs suck too. Too bad her plan didn't work as well as she hoped, eh? Well. Tell Sabian hello for Sei, and keep away from those lovetwigs and summer sausages.

*huggles to minna*

2002-08-13T23:08:00.000-05:00

I got about 50 cents to give whoever can figure out the mystery of the cat bell for me... I dunno if I can wait two weeks or so to find out. *shakes head at Pam and the cat collar*

UPDATE: This news just in on the investigation... Pam is pure evil. ^^v

2002-08-13T11:47:00.000-05:00

Just a quick post because I am running late for work. Got that damned 12-9 shift again today. Ugh. I'm a nervous wreck today, and I will be until tomorrow is over. I'll say why later when I have time to rant.

*shakes head* You guys would never believe the fun I had last night... ^_^ *glomps Pam* Thanks for doing that, I hope you has as much fun as I did. I'm still smiling over it and giggling a bit. And I hope you like those scans I sent.

Uhm... Okay. Yui's computer broke last week, then she had a con to go to for the weekend... Where the hell is she now?? ;_; *glomps Yui* I miss you chic.

I miss Sarabi too, and I had a dream she came back and acted like nothing had happened and said it was just bad judgement on her part. >.< Other than that, I'm lost for words over the whole subject. It's not that I don't care, but it's that she won't let me care so there's nothing more I can do for her if I keep getting shoved away.

I worked on Asuka's page for a few hours yesterday, and almost got it right... I forgot her password else I'd fix the problems. Asuka, email me your username and pass again? I'll fix what's wrong. Hey, I even drew the snake!! *ish proud!*

This Faust image song is my new obsession and I think it's like keeping me from having a nervous breakdown right now. Thanks so much for sending it to me, Rane. *hugs*

I have gotten tons of email from Sakura now! She's okay and won't stop writing for nothing now, I think! ^_^ And I've got a new friend, which is best of all.

Okay I better go before I'm late. *huggles minna*

2002-08-12T00:19:00.000-05:00

Bleh. Some miracle worker I am. am I really able to help anyone out there?

2002-08-09T14:44:00.000-05:00

Question, minna... and since all my friends write, I know this applies to you all, and if not, think about your artwork! This whole ordeal with Sakura being so upset over what a single bitch-ass-ho had to say has really got me thinking. After talking with Pam last night, I got a better understanding as to why it bothered me so much. So I pose this question to you.

Why do you write? What does it do for you? What do you hope to get from it? Since the lot of us are fanfic writers, nobel peace prizes and pulitzers or muchos $$$ can't be our goal... yet. Does a story pop into your head that you just can't let go? Do you feel it's a story worthy enough to tell your friends about, but you know it won't make sense unless you flesh it out in novel-like form? Do you do it to see if you'll get someone telling you that your writing ability is amazing and they can't wait to read more? Do you get hurt over the flames, or do you look at them as a way for personal growth?

I want to say that I write because I want to get the characters and the situations out of my head, but that's not true anymore. I think I write to find support among friends and people who will talk to me. That's why I haven't finished anything really lately. It gives me a tiny ego-trip that I will act completely humble towards when someone likes what I wrote. I merely hope to get a bit of support from people by writing.

Why is support so important to me with writing? Ever since I was little, I've been writing. My mom reads books like crazy, going through about one a day or so. I'd spend hours upon hours each day writing, and print out what I had written and ask her to read it. "When you finish it, I'll read it." So I worked hard to finish it. Weeks passed and finally I finished my first story. It took my mom over 3 weeks to get around to reading it. And when she had something to say about it? "Well, Danyale, you can't start out every sentence with someone's name. And your verb tenses need some major work. You don't need a he said she said after everything that someone says, just make better uses of your paragraphs. No publisher is ever gonna pick this up." I took it, and didn't let her see me cry over it. My parents both had always been so supportive of me in everything I tried to do... except writing. So it was a shock to me when I was a kid to have my mom and dad both just kinda brush me away when I wrote a new story.

Then I got brave enough to show my friends at school. I'd watch them with wide eyes, all of them fighting each other to get the next page, amazed that their friend had written that. One of them even believed that I had copied it from a book I had at home and was trying to pass it off as mine. Then my best friend Jazca and I created our Don't We Wish Chronicles, and that kept me supported more than I had ever been supported in my life. After she and I grew apart, I vaguely had the Icy Brian gang and then Ranwolf supported me through the things that were directly linked to his stories.

And now, it all depends on what I'm writing as to where and if I get support. The stories that get well recieved get finished, and those that just kinda go blah... well... go blah. I'm happy to get reviews, but getting them from friends is better. That's the reason my Kyou story came out so quickly. I had hella support on that one. Mona, Ruka, Yui...

But usually, if I can just grip one person completely with an idea and have them completely love it? Then that's worth it. Like Pam told me last night. She writes and doesn't expect reviews... but if just ONE person does write her and tell her that they loved the fic, please write more? Then that fic was worth writing. It touched one person to the point of asking for more.

Regardless of your spelling or grammatical errors, if you make one person see what you're doing, then it's worth it. If you have one person saying "Whoa! Kickass!!" then it's worth it. Right? No matter if you get a flame or two, you still have that one fan who's really just checking your FF.N account every day to see if you updated yet. Do you really want to make it be in vain? They took the time to read what you wrote for them, and the time to say "hey, I'm a fan!" Can you really let flames stop you when you have someone like that admiring you?

Before you flame someone, always think about the repercussions it may have on a person. I know that Sakura has at least 8 fans, all of us screaming begging for more, and one flame has very nearly put an end to her english career. Has anyone else I know ever had a flame hurt that badly? I know the flames I got were always civil flames, and after talking back and forth with that person, I was able to make them see what I was trying to do.

This whole ordeal has just got me wondering things, and I just wanted to see what it meant to others.

*huggles minna*

2002-08-08T15:47:00.000-05:00

My Suikoden Vocal Collection came in today... OMG... this cd is as good as the Orrizonte cd.... The second song had me BAWLING like a kid!! See, what this cd is... It's another remix cd, but they took a lot of songs that are popular from the Suikoden OSTs and wrote lyrics for them. When they wrote these lyrics, they took into account what happens in the game while these songs play and tried to hurt you the same way the games do... DAMN THEM! But god this hurt feels good. This is the kinda pain I like ^_^ as sadistic as that sounds...

I was gonna post lyrics here, but dammit, it might spoil something... lol That's how good the lyrics are!

Oh, and my friends? Let me catch you flaming someone because of their grammatical skills when you know english isn't their first language, and I torch your house!! BWAAHAHA! Kidding, but I do have the Demon King on my side now.... If any of my friends need an editor/betareader as well, you know where I am. Seriously. I don't mind.

YUI'S BACK!!!! *glomps her* Welcome back!! Now maybe I'll get some comments left again!! *grins*

It sucks when you have an awesome cd you wanna wear out and you have to go to work. ;_; Like me. Like right now.

*huggles to minna*

2002-08-07T23:30:00.000-05:00

What about today, eh? *blinks* Felt kinda like I was in a trance all day, watching some zombie in my body do the things I was supposed to do. I got up early to watch some movie on MTV my brother said was cool *gags* and then ended up talking to Pam and reading Diary of a Demon King chapters for the umpteenth time. ^^;; And at least people seemed to like my layout. I miss Luc though...

I got a letter from Sakura Sumeragi, the girl who wrote the Kyou gangbang fic. She's the one who wrote my new favorite original yaoi story, The Sun, The Moon, and the Shadows. I got permission to name my 4th fish after one of her characters!! ^_^ I so happy. But aparently, people have been leaving some nasty reviews for her because of her English skills alone which are making her want to not write at all anymore. >.< Kinda pissed me off beyond belief that some heifer would actually call her lovely style "detatched." She said that just reading what I had said here about her fic the other day when I linked everyone to a few OY stories made her tear up and get all happy. o_O Not saying that she is strange at all, but it makes me wonder just what the asses at FF.N are appreciating if not stuff like her lovely works. >.< I'm lost, I guess. Well, I'm a big fan of hers anyway and I hope she doesn't quit writing. I might have to suffer the curses and create Elluvias scenarios in my mind to figure out what happens to him next.

Didn't hear from Yui today ;_; Pam went to Jobe's house so I havent heard from her since 8. I think I'm gonna call it an early night. *looks at clock* What? in bed before midnight? *laughs* Rare day, eh?

*huggles to minna*

2002-08-07T02:50:00.000-05:00

;_; No more Luc! *sighs* Trust me, I'm still all gaga over the guy, I just wanted a change so I would get over my obsession with a game that I won't get to play for quite some time. Seeing Luc everyday reminded me of that and well.... ^^;;

So I really like Diary of a Demon King, and although Eklipt (which Rane had as her layout for a few days) is nice, Rinep is too adorable. I wanted him here for a layout and so guess what? I worked for hours and hours and modifed the template that Rane had sent me to make it look like this! I know that Rane still gets credit, but I'm very proud of doing this much! My YACCS isn't showing my new text for my comments yet, and I don't know what else to do to fix that. I've had so much trouble with html and all tonight that I don't want to fool with it anymore. I hope this layout isn't too simple or colorless for your tastes, minna. If anyone has any gripes about colors or whatnot, let me know. I think this purple and silver shows up pretty good though. *glomps the demon king*

I didn't hear from Yui today at all ;_; Pam said she tried to call her though and didn't get an answer, so I'm hoping that the company she has is keeping her spirits up. She was some kinda upset when she called me at nearly 2am last night... I don't know that I did much good given that I had a rough day as well. I'm hoping her comp gets fixed soon, but she said she may be gone for weeks ;_; *sighs*

Mom and I went shopping today and got the Fellowship of the Ring movie. I still wanna lay Aragon and I still wanna trip Legolas. And no, I don't want to *DO* anything to Legolas once he's tripped. He just pisses me off so bad, stupid lil elf guy... He's hot, yeah, I'll give him that, but dammit, he seems so damn good at *everything* and it irks me! So while he's walking atop the snow while everyone else is trudging through it, I just wanna reach out and trip him one good time. I'm so evil, eh? Hehe. My mom and I fight over Aragon ^_^ we both agree he's the hottest guy in the movie.

*crosses fingers that her Suikoden: the Vocal Collection comes in the mail tomorrow*

*huggles to minna* Take care, all.

2002-08-06T02:48:00.000-05:00

Uhm, bad news minna ;_; Yui's comp is having a fit, and it's not wanting to cooperate with her right now. She's gonna have to call in a technician to fix it, but she has no clue how long she'll be gone and wanted me to tell everyone. *sighs* So just be patient with her and pray her hard drive wasn't wiped. ^^;;;

2002-08-04T22:04:00.000-05:00

Well today was certainly a surprise. I woke up and didn't feel sick or sleepy this morning and had to go to work. I looked at my schedule to find that I'm acutally supposed to work 32 hours this week, which is a welcome change from the normal 24 or so. I can really use the money so... And with all those hours? No sucky shifts! They're all kickass shifts! Whoot! So I start to go into the office to get my cash drawer to count it down and decided to read the memos to the employees and such...

Cashier of the Month: Danyale

;_; I was so happy ^_^ I thought they hated me! I'll bet its because that one manager's mother loves me so much that she won't come to our store unless I can check her out... ^^;; *wipes her brown-nose clean* Anywhoo...

Seems like Rane and Ferrum are up for my idea of an original yaoi writer/critique type team blog. I don't know how far it'll go, but I keep hearing this voice say "If you make it, they will come..." No, no, no. Go back, read that sentence again after throwing your mind in the gutter. :-P Well, it'd be serious and fun, but I just want to be able to actively support people in this field. So i'll be working on that soon. If anyone else is interested, please let me know asap. Plan on emailing some authors I've read, too.

Hmm what else... let's see.. My fishies are doing just fine!! Maybe pics Tuesday though, don't feel like making them pose tonight and I have a day-long shift tomorrow. Everyone say a prayer or light a candle or what have you for Joey's fish Nabeshin, who's contracted some sort of fungal disease but could very well pull through. ^^v

Yui! I can't wait to see what you're working on, writing wise! >.< So many of your stories I'm looking forward to, I wanna read I wanna read I WANNA READ! AHHH! okay... lol *calms herself and huggles*

Sarabi... >.< Sorry. Yesterday was my bitch day, I was upset and mad at the world, etc... Can't ask you to forgive me because I don't deserve it, but I am sorry I overreacted. *hugs you* Friends, no matter what, okay? :-P

OMG Ferrum!! Thanks so much for sharing that doujin with me!! Sassy and Luc are both so adorable when they are trying to irk the hell out of each other! Brats are so cute... *nods* If you translate anymore of it, please send my way? Onegai? *gives pitiful Momiji begging type eyes*

Oh yeah, Pam's gonna be around sporadically from her library computer... She got her computer back but her power cord is bye bye and she has to order a new one. One last warning to every manga fan out there, get into Koori or you'll feel her wrath, lol. Kidding. Her wrath kinda tickles anyway, it's not that bad. :-P

I'm gonna go now. *huggles to minna* And sorry for being such a total bitch here lately. *nods*

2002-08-03T03:22:00.000-05:00

Considering a new project of sorts that I'm afraid I'd get no interest elsewhere for... See what you think. A team blog for original yaoi fics, etc. Not for the entire fic unless you want to, but like a place to air out an idea or post a piece of what you have to get feedback or to get out of your system if you don't plan to work on it. Anything that the writer deemed worthy would be postable... like thoughts, scenes, character ideas, role-plays, entire stories, whatever. Also to show off your fave stories to get this genre more recognized. Maybe I'm just the newcomer to it that doesn't realize its out there, but... *sighs* Your honest opinions on this matter, please?

2002-08-03T01:52:00.000-05:00

All right, more of this original yaoi fiction thing. Yui wanted these addies again, and Pam hasn't had the chance to read them either. And if you haven't, you're missing out on a lot. :-P Anyway, I really hope this doesn't constitute as stealing fics or bandwidth or anything with the way I link you guys to the pages... ^^;; I've got a few more stories to add since last time too. So here we go in no particular order.

Joy Falls by Peregrine Vision - I really like this chic's writing style. This story is about a man who meets a mysterious young boy on the streets and takes him in like a stray puppy... only to find the puppy has more secrets than the man imagined. One of my absolute faves.

Tripper by Peregrine Vision - Yeah, like I said. I'm partial to this girl. There's a member of a band that has taken lustful notice of one of their fanboys... But the fanboy likes the lead singer instead... And well, there's much more to the story as well.

Angel Eyes by eros - Yui, I think this is the one you were looking for. It's the one about the model and the blind boy. ;_; Way angsty, so watch it, okay? The chic has safeguarded her site against direct links, so you will have to go to this page and click on original fiction. Angel Eyes is the third down after that. *nods*

Almost an Angel by Shadow - Are we sensing a theme here yet in what Dani likes? Angsty and angelic?? hehe, anyway this one is a bit cheesier than the rest but I love it just the same. High school boys just suck, don't they? Well at least they don't just act this way to girls...

Seraphic Devilry by chibisarel - Remember that contest I said I wrote my story for? This is what should beat me. I love this story though at first I felt very sick over it. It's so dark and deep... It's about a two twins... one blind, the other innocent as ever, and to what lengths they go to protect each other. If the kiss between Amiboshi and Suboshi weirded you out? Stay away from this one.

Heaven Was Not Denied by Dani - hehe, yeah I wrote my own too! Here it is, about a man wanting to die and then being given his life back in an unexpected way.

Go Here to read the other stories in the contest or to at least vote for chibisarel. *crosses her fingers that Seraphic Devilry wins*

The Sun, the Moon and the Shadows by Sumeragi Sakura - OMG OMG OMG! This is like my new fave original yaoi story! Its unbelievable at times, but god, it's so sweet and I can't help it! I fell in love with Elluvias! Some of you chics may know her from her Fruits Basket stories... the ones that stuck Yuki and Kyou in a closet and had them *AHEM!*? Her English isn't perfect, but my god I love her style! Oh yeah, the story... Uhm, A king of an empire has fallen in love while his country is on the brink of war. And with who? A Holy High Priest. ^^;;;;;;;;;;; *cues Sasarai* So what can king do? Read and see, it's LOVELY!

Under the White Wings by Sumeragi Sakura - After reading her other story, I checked out some others and found this one. It's kinda shocking, but really really nice. A painter finds a model to bring home after his mind can't let go of the beauty in the model's eyes...

Bradley's Room by Dani - Oh yeah, I'm cheating by showing this one. *hopes Yui doesn't kill her* It's just starting out, but I think some feedback would help me finish it if it needs to be finished. 0_0 I can't say anything about it here in case Yui doesn't want to go read it, but don't go unless you want a nosebleed from the explicit yaoi. ^^;;;;;;;;;

Anyway. I think that's enough for now ^_^ If anyone knows of anymore really good ones, please send the links my way? Arigatou!! Or if anyone is willing to help write one or muse for me or whatever... lol.

2002-08-02T22:17:00.000-05:00

OK, doing a bit better now. I'm rather grouchy but feeling better. I went to the store to buy another fish today (Arima was my beloved pet fish for all those who didn't know) and wound up getting 4 of them. I'll introduce everyone to them when I get pictures to do so properly with, but so far they are named Hiei, Kurama, Sei, and I don't know what to name the 4th one so I'm just calling him Nanashi (that means nameless one for all you non GW fans out there) for now. Wish them well in their life with me, okay? ^_^ I'm really sorry if I've been snapping at people lately, but I've been really pretty upset. I'm gonna be okay though.

I've been hiding away from AIM a lot lately too, and I'm sorry. Starting to really miss people and realizing I've neglected them...

Read some more original yaoi stories, which is weird because Yui had asked for the addresses to some I had told people about before. I'll be doing an entry here in a little while linking people to some of my favorite original yaoi stories. I have a new favorite too...

My gosh but my fishies are active. Still trying to get used to the place I think...

Sarabi, if you want me to write that story for you, you're going to have to brainstorm with me and play muse for me. I've thought and thought about it and I just draw a huge blank on what to do. ^^;; Help me out a bit and I can help you, okay?

*huggles to minna*

2002-08-01T16:36:00.000-05:00

I thought after last night things would look up. Kinda had a heart to heart with Pam but I couldn't make things clear enough. Then I talked with Ranwolf til like 4am and laughed my ass off with him. I was on AIM and some random bishie (yes, bishie) started talking to me out of the blue and spammed me with all his adorable artwork.

Then I overslept. Then I was cleaning my room and... well...

My dear sweet Arima's dead. ;_;

2002-07-31T01:48:00.000-05:00

There's this whole entire group of people that have the Suikoden III OST on their ftp's. Since I was globally banned from this group's ftps for breaking rules that were hidden within thousands of posts at their board, I went to their mIRC room. I apologized for not knowing what I was doing but got yelled at, basically. Finally I notice one guy is wanting some HikaGo eps, and he's one of the guys that has the OST on his FTP, so I offer him a few eps for the OST. So I put the eps on my comp and dealt with his slow connection to send him two eps that were close to 200Mb each. 8 hours I dealt with him. EIGHT. And so he tells me to just get it off his ftp when I've send both files. I try to log on, I'm still banned. I tell him that, and he asks for my IP. Apparently I was the one who just completely ruined his day and several of his friends day yesterday because of me not knowing how to run my ftp program. And then I was kick/banned from the chat room as well.

Ever wish that your comp had a virus that infected HikaGo files before? >.<

My feelings are very hurt, but now I just have to hope and pray someone will upload this to streamload.

In other news, I forgot to point out the tiny link I added to my blog, to some YYH English doujins ^_^ Mostly Kurama & Hiei, but hell, I was happy.

Pam's got her comp back. Her power cord has a short in it but she should either have a new one tomorrow or a week from now. Pam, Rane made a gift for you, but I think I have to explain some things first before I show you ^^;; I know you'll love it, I sure as hell do, and Rane's nervous to meet you. :-P

Mona? Forgot to tell you. Remember that song name I was trying to get you translate? Ai wo Koete? Finally found the official translation of it. Exceeding Love. In a way, you were close!!!

I gotta work all day tomorrow. 2-10. Dunno if I'll be around. I'm severely depressed over this whole damn FTP thing. At least the .hack//sign OST is great.

2002-07-29T19:51:00.000-05:00

I hate being stupid. I really do. I hate feeling like I can't do things without others help. The Suikoden III OST is online, on people's FTP's and I don't know how to work my program correctly and have been banned. I can't find anyone that has it on streamload, either. I've tried looking through people's fserves on mIRC and if they have it, I can't find it because I can't understand those damn things either. I hate being so damn incompetent. Verge of panicking here, I tell ya. I mean, it's right there, should be easy to get, but since I don't understand such things.... ;_; I get so damned discouraged with these things. Tell me I'm not alone...

2002-07-29T17:34:00.000-05:00

So much to say, where do I start? 0_0 First of all, my brother made me an mp3 of Ai wo Koete, the song from the opening of Suikoden III. If anyone wants it, just ask me and I'll send it ^_^ I know Yui wanted it for sure... my brother won't quit playing the song over and over. *grins*

My jaw is very much on the floor after seeing Ferrum's new layout. I was actually trembling, my hands over my open mouth, staring at our Luc. In real life I cannot stand the sight of blood, so I sat feeling these deep pangs over the picture, wondering why he'd have blood on his hands and what road he's taken to get there. And then the horror of it faded, and I wanted to hug him and let him touch me with that blood-stained hand. I want to feel his pain too, no matter what he has done. I love Luc just that much ^_^ Call me a crazy fangirl, but I'm in love with Ferrum's picture of him. She doesn't like the blood, and I don't either, but it still makes for a very powerful picture. For him to get into her soul and make her draw something she is so against means that he's haunting her too, lol. *Takes a deep breath* She doesn't like the look on his face either, but he seems so dumbfounded that blood is on his hands. It's not like ANY Suikoden characters hasn't killed before, or caused death somehow. They ALL have blood on their hands, whether its visible or not. To me, it seems like he's realizing about all the people he's killed before by seeing physical blood on his hands. The look on his face is perfect. Like he's gonna be sick, like he's in denial, like "Oh my dear god, what have I done??" It's either he's thinking that, or "I'll never help Hai Yo out in the kitchen ever again! *sucks on his finger he cut open while chopping carrots*"

It's WONDERFUL Ferrum! And to know you named it Tenkan Star Falling and dedicated it to me!?! *GLOMPS* What do you mean too plain? It's gorgeous, it made me shiver and gawk! I hope you won't mind me doing this, but I really wanna be able to call your blog my sister-blog (or should it be brother since it's Luc? ^^;;). If you have any objections just let me know, okay? I have saved your background as a pic, but if it was made in another size may I have that too? *huggles Ferrum again* You don't know how happy you've made me with your blog! *wants to cry for Luc still after seeing that pic* Maybe adding a drawn pic of Luc's wind rune symbol would help make you feel like it's less plain? I think it's perfect as it is though :-P

Rane? You used to play RO? I did too, I wonder if we ever crossed paths... What were your characters and their names? It'd be really funny if we had been friends before without knowing! I quit playing because when Gravity moved the servers to the US? I realized that they didn't care about the US beta and that I'd have to wait til it went commercial before I could gripe legally. There were so many bots and I couldn't level my dear Acolyte *huggles Sei Array* in Payon Caves after they made it cost MP to swing the mighty staff. I've been told I should start playing again on the Loki server, but right now I can't handle the RO addiction since I have so many other things to do. Oh yeah, I also quit because not one, but TWO of my characters ended up on Joe the Dude's scammer list because of misunderstandings, and email after email to him went ignored/unanswered. I didn't care what others thought, but it hurt my merchant business.

Lol, Sarabi's back, she took the RO quiz, and has no clue what it means... Chic, the quiz is just showing what character you'd be good as. You get to pick what job you want once you get high enough in levels. Buuut... swordsmen suck :-P All they can do is hit hard and get their life back fast. Psh. I think you'd make a good magician, Sarabi. ^_^ But they take tons of time to get good. I'm glad you're back now though! I missed you! *huggles*

RANWOLF! You HAVE to draw those pic ideas you mentioned! My god I can't wait to see them!!! I swear I'll finish the fic that can correlate with it if you do.

Yui! I hope you had fun at the German Fest! I didn't know it was so soon! And I hope I get to talk to you soon. I've a message from Rane that I wish to deliver ^_^

Hmm... *waves madly at Ruka since she keeps leaving so many comments and just waving at me* :-P~~~~ Did you have fun at the con, chic? Can't wait to see pics.

So did anyone go read the fics at the BiShounen Ai contest? *blinkblinks* And why not?? Bet you didn't read Koori either... *glares* Kidding folks.

2002-07-29T04:17:00.000-05:00

BIG NEWS! The Bishounen Ai Contest has closed it's doors a bit early, and now voting is up until Sept. 1. Please go here and read the stories and vote for one? And be honest, too. Mine really sucks upside Seraphic Devilry. Even *I* had to vote for that one. :-P

^__^ Joined about 75 cliques... kidding. But I'm happy now, I've got cliqued! *snickers and heads off to bed before she hurts herself*

2002-07-29T01:38:00.000-05:00

Ugh... I just wrote this really long post and somehow it got devoured. I hit post and publish and it's not there, and hitting back on my browser gave me a blank page to write on... ;__; I will try again tomorrow, I'm too mad right now to write everything over again.

2002-07-27T14:16:00.000-05:00

Hehe after reading Rane's blog, I found this quiz. ^_^ I used to play Ragnarok Online until I lost trust in Gravity, where I had a cute lil male acolyte named Sei Array, and a female archer named Jeslyn who was a complete airhead and a female *nutcase* merchant named Pupa-Mart who preached the powers of the pupa. It was very fun until I just stopped playing and well.. I took the quiz for both male and female. Here's what I got.

Well... I DID have the pics up, til I noticed that it messed with my tables... Damned arrogant of mere jpgs to take it upon themselves to move my tables over as they see fit, doncha think? So I got the cute male acolyte and the female archer as my answers... Still trying to figure this out... ^^;;

2002-07-27T14:05:00.000-05:00

Haven't posted in two days and it feels like forever.... *sigh*

I had to come home early from work today due to medical problems >.< I'll be okay I'm just very upset over the much-needed money loss. Worried over how I'm gonna manage my bills along with a thousand other things.

Everyone seems so down lately. Yui, Rane... *sighs* I feel like I can't make anything better anymore. It's not always my place to, but I try really hard anyway. It's almost getting me down that I can't help. That doesn't mean I'ma give up though.

New discovery: Pepsi Blue is one of the best drinks EVER.

Talking with Pam last night made me really wanna put a new kickstart on the Reign of Chaos rpg that me and Peggy are doing, so I may be working on that today since I have *gasp* an entire day off now. & For all you manga fans out there? Koori no Mamono no Monogatari needs some more love. Seriously. Pam's been hyping it for a long time, and I like it though I don't quit understand it all the time. But please, if you get bored one day, the storyline of this manga is very awesome, not to mention the guys are damn hot. I have several other links that I can send to go along with this one should anyone take interest in it. Koori needs more of a fanbase so that it can grow. If you've ever been to Pam's blog, you've seen the two main guys. Even the name of her blog is the name of a chapter from the manga. It's very interesting and quite damn hot at times. ^^v Zaha is the cutest, though! ("Ne, Giess? Ne? Kawaii? *points to his nose* Kawaii?" *Giess faintly blushes and nods, "Kawaii." Zaha becomes ecstatic and runs of to tell the guy he likes that he's kawaii, leaving Giess with a sweatdrop.)

Sooo... *sighs* I think this is good enough for a post, ne?

2002-07-25T07:52:00.000-05:00

Oh yeah to Yui... ^____^ You got the Orrizonte cd!! That's seriously one of my favorite cd's ever. I often put it on for kids to listen to when they are doing seatwork when I sub in classes. They love it and it keeps them calm and quiet. No, I'm not upset at all that you bought it! Quite glad, actually, and can't wait to hear what you have to say about it, be it good or bad. And yes, when looking up anything Suikoden? Always check the "G" section too, because the real name of the game is Genso Suikoden or Gensou Suikoden (not sure which is right, but people list it as both). They change the name when it comes to the U.S. *huggles to Yui* I read your blog last night before I went to bed, I was just so tired I couldn't comment.

2002-07-25T07:40:00.000-05:00

*blinks* Dani went to bed at 12:30 last night, when Rane kicked her ass offline and made her... *snickers* Everyone blame Rane for me not being around last night... Kidding. I wasn't feeling well at all with my back hurting, as well as one of those headaches that makes it feel like a vice is on your head and then to boot there is one tiny spot that has a piercing pain with every pulse. Needless to say, I'm thanking Rane for insisting I go to bed. I slept til 4:45, after all! And I'll prolly get a nap in later too.

Fanfiction. *sighs* I've been so inspired this past week, but all my ideas fade so fast anymore. I think finally finding out Sassy's age killed my Luc fic for good. The Jowy/Hiro one... It seemed like a nice idea at first but now... eh. Now I've got a Viktor fic running through my head, and Hix has really started to bother me as well. I could write well-fleshed out stories on them, but then a new idea has hit me. Why not just write out the simple scenes in my mind and paste them together? They won't make much sense, but at least the scenes can get written while a full story wouldn't. Eh, I dunno. We'll see, I guess.

And I've decided to do my Suikoden quiz. I have no clue how to do an actual quiz, and the way it's forming in my mind wouldn't let it stick by normal quiz standards anyway. While I wanted to make it to begin with as a "What character will you fall for?" kinda thing for people who haven't played the game to stir up interest, I'm having to carefully form questions and answers to take care not to spoil anything major. I plan on using many many guys, and while most questions on quizzes leave the answer vague enough to make it useful for getting two or three different guys, mine will be more decisive. I mean, the first question would be something like, "Which are you more likely to be attracted to? Swordsmen, Magicians, Strategists, Punks, or Playboys?" If you choose magicians, then you won't even have the chance to get some of the swordsmen or punks. I realize that most guys play on more than one of those fields and would make sure that people like Sheena (who is a swordman, punk, and a playboy) get their proper placing in all applicable fields. Also, I need YOUR HELP if you've played! I've comprised a list so far of the guys I want to include, but I'm afraid I'm missing a few so please leave me a comment and tell me who else to include on this! The list (in no particular order, but of course Luc's first :-P): Luc, Futch, Flik, Viktor, McDohl, Hiro/Riou, Jowy, Hix, Sheena, Gremio, Pahn, Shu, Caums, Miklotov, Qlon, Klaus, Templeton, Kinnison, Yam Koo, Richmond (... I know.), Clive, Sid, Jess, Nash, Luca Blight, Yuber, and Sasarai. I know I'm forgetting tons of people from the first game. Like I said, if you see someone that you'd like to see in the quiz that isn't listed here, leave me a message.

*huggles to minna*

2002-07-23T16:23:00.000-05:00

Hehe.. *puts her arm behind her head and scratches the back of her head, smiling nervously with closed eyes* I'm gonna just pretend yesterday didn't happen.... Er, I wish I could. It was very bad for me and I was very bad to all my friends. I'm still very sorry. But I can't keep beating myself up over it, most people have forgiven me and most likely branded me psycho rather than hate me for it so....

I bought some strawberry creme cookies today that taste JUST like strawberry pocky. *is happy* So many things to say to so many people...

Pam's back. She hasn't been able to update her blog yet, but she had a kickass time at ShoujoCon. She even had *fangirls* as she acted as Sakuma Ryuuichi to sing Shining Collection. *kicks BOTH Katie's asses for not getting video* Her computer is still busted and no clue when she'll get it back. ;_; She doesn't think Luc's sexy at all.

Yui! Chic I'm glad I got to talk to you last night, even if it was for a few minutes. It was fun to go silly with you in the chat too, and I'm still all ;_; over Rei. *kicks you for dreaming of Luc though* I hate you sooo much. *grins* Email me those gifs okay?

Sarabi, I'ma kick your ass if you try to blame yesterday on yourself again. I STILL wanna know how your fic goes and all the misunderstandings are NOT your fault. Yui wants to read it too! She's gonna stalk your ass til you send it to her. Seems she's a big V:tM fan. Maybe she can help me figure it out! Or just send me permission to send it to her and I will.

Ferrum, your new layout will be dedicated to ME? After all the bad things I did yesterday you still wanna be my friend?!? *huggles you tight* Yokatta! I'm so happy! I am still working on the Luc fic, which if I ever finish, will be dedicated to you as well. :-P

Rane? *blinkblinks then huggles you tightly* I'm sorry about yesterday. I feel like I blabbed so many things to you and made you think I was worried over them, and never even found out you weren't feeling well. I feel so dumb. *bends over so you can give her a swift kick to the ass for it* I hope you get to feeling better, chic! I'll talk to you more when I see you again, so much I wanna say but too impersonal to place here. And I hope the mailman visits you tomorrow.... *hands you Eklipt plushie to tide you over*

Kagaya! I *still* don't know who you are, how you found me, or how I can contact you! None of my friends are speaking up to say they know you and I'd really like to talk with you on AIM or IRC or through email or via your blog or something! My god, you KNOW with Suikoden III out there that all these newbie Luc fans are gonna pop up, and those of us who have loved him the entire time should stick together, ne? *is still happy you come to her blog and leave messages even with the stupid idiotic stunts I pulled yesterday*

So yeah, I just felt like socializing today and uhm... yeah. *nods* There's my post.

2002-07-22T20:45:00.000-05:00

>.< Okay so I was overreacting and it's taken me nearly every day to calm down.

*bows very low* Gomen nasai, minna. I was very wrong for my actions and overreactions. I hope everyone can forgive me, and I hope I haven't blown my chance to be friends with Ferrum and Kagaya.

Even if it was spoiler, it's Suikoden. Those of us who have played know that for every spoiler you can tell, there are 7 or 8 twists that change it anyway.

I feel really stupid, and I'm also going to edit this blog heavily so that others won't get spoiler-esque ideas. So. *tries to huggles minna, and hopes she gets huggles back*

2002-07-22T13:26:00.000-05:00

Okay, after realizing how absolutely childish I'm being over this whole matter, I went back and erased most of what I had written. I didn't use any names before, and I didn't want people thinking I was speaking to them when I wasn't.

Anyway, I'm not really mad at anyone. I'm hurt but it'll fade. Please don't be too mad at me, okay?

And then I went back and deleted everything. ^____^

2002-07-22T13:12:00.000-05:00

OMG! SOMEONE TELL ME WHO KAGAYA IS! She signed my blog and left me the very picture I was having heart palpitations over and she didn't leave an email or homepage or anything! THANK YOU SO MUCH Kagaya! Whoever you are, I hope you see this! *huggles her*

Also hating men again after reading De's blog. *shakes head* I hope one day you can be stronger so that you will see you don't need friends like that, chic. You're a very very pretty girl *was awestruck at your pic* and you don't need anyone nitpicking every tiny thing that he/she thinks is wrong. Of course, I'm ranting about your world, and it's a world that I know lil to none about. But I hope you will be okay, chic. I'm only hoping good things for you, okay? *huggles*

I tried to make Yui feel better when I signed her blog, but now I think I overdid it and may hurt her feelings. Please believe me when I say I only trying to make you laugh.

God I feel like this post is gonna hurt people and I don't want to hit publish... ;_; I read back over it like 3 times and everything is things that I want to say I think, but still people are gonna get hurt or mad at me and I'm so scared. I'm even crying right now. *sighs*

I *really* miss Pam.

This message was also heavily edited.

2002-07-22T02:59:00.000-05:00

It's late. My back is killing me. *thinks she pulled a muscle in it or something* But I'm happy and sleepy. I won my auction for the Suikoden Vocal Collection! ^______^ I'm really happy, buuuuut.... the seller was tricky. They posted that air mail was an extra $4.95, and didn't list *actual* shipping charges in the auction itself. I assumed the 4.95 was the shipping... I should have paid more attention when it said that "READ AUCTION FAQS BEFORE YOU BID" and I'd of seen that shipping was $13.00 alone. But... I still got the cd much cheaper than I could have gotten it from elsewhere!

Anyway, I was looking though more Suikoden auctions (even though this last auction renders me flat BROKE) and found this manga called Suikoden: Caravelle. I'd so beg my mom out of the money because just LOOK at the pic of LUC... not to mention McDohl and the rest... BUT it's from that same person I won the CD from and I AM kinda sore over the s&h trick. I know it's my fault for not reading, but still, that IS tricky and kinda lame. I wanna email this seller and ask for just the scan of Luc without the words across it and offer to pay for it *grins* Noooo, I'm not obsessed!! Once I get my CD I'll be so cool with this seller though it'll be funny, lol.

I forgot to mention last night! Pam called me from Shoujocon! She made it to the Finals in the Karaoke Conest! She was singing Shining Collection from Gravitation for it, and I haven't heard from her yet to know how the finals went! But I hope everyone visits her blog to congratulate her on that much! Finals are BIG! She did so good practicing for it, and she could sing that song so well it'd make me tear up by the time she got to the part where it goes "Please don't cry, no..." ;_; *huggles Pam* Still grateful for the letters AU as I revise/rewrite my fic!

Rane, GOMEN NE! When you got online today and tried to speak to me? I was an idiot and left my AIM on when I went back to work from my lunch hour... I came in and had all these crazy ass messages.

Eh, I don't know if I'll be around tomorrow. Depends on how my back feels. It hurts to sit in my chair too long. I may just lay back in my bed and play Suiko II to get that damned perfect ending that I've still yet to get. *kicks MukuMuku's squirrelly ASS for always preventing her from getting it* I always leave *one* tiny star out.... But I made sure he was the first I got this time!!

Got this weird idea to make a quiz since suddenly we have all these people wanting to know more of Suikoden. I thought it'd be fun to take the fangirl spin on a quiz and do a "What Star/Character will YOU Fall For?" With a bit of help from some friends, I might can do it, I just don't know anything about setting up quizzes and don't think I could host it anyway. It's a fun thought though!!!

Anyway, it IS late and I AM tired and... tomorrow I need to write really. I'm sure Ferrum would want to read about Luc and Sassy and their sand castle that I wrote out today and need to get typed up. I'm starting to love Sasarai. I always wanted to hate him but... I keep rereading over the Suikogaiden scripts and... well... *sighs* Seems I'm taking Ferrum's Sassy poison now... *keeps chanting to herself: Luc x Viki, Luc x Viki, Luc x Viki, Luc x Viki, Luc x Viki......*

2002-07-21T11:42:00.000-05:00

I think that was just a lil TOO much fun last night... *beats all of you people who are suddenly after Luc off with a STICK and giggles*

Long day at work ahead of me. I'll be around late tonight.

2002-07-20T14:59:00.000-05:00

Had fun last night in a group chat with Rane, Mona, De, and Kyou-san, and later Yui showed up. Hoes, blueberries, nails, and plushies... what a trip! Thanks guys for inviting me!

Anyway, right now, as you guys can prolly guess, only one thing is on my mind: Suikoden. One of my *friends* told me last night that I was being obsessive and I needed to shut the fuck up about it and Luc, she was sick of hearing it. -_- Of course, it's no one that any of you would know, I don't think. But still, it may be a while before I speak to her again. I hate that, though... But if I am annoying people with all my talk on it, please *kindly* tell me that I'm talking too much on it and you're tired of my rants.

Been working all day >.< I was supposed to work in the back with one of the managers on inventory, but we were so busy at the registers that they handed me a till and said they'd get one of the stock boys to help. There goes my easy Saturday, eh? Seems I have to work until 7 tonight too. *kicks managers*

I've been doing a ton of writing lately, but it's strange. They're all lemons, and I write right up until it comes down the the actual act, and then I stop. I just completely stop. So now I'm like searching through all of my stories trying to find ANY of them that aren't lemon-scented... I found one. It was one I pronounced dead a long time ago due to so many errors with the characters and within the world and timelines, but the more I think about it, the more I really wanna write on it. So I'm gonna stick those lovely letters "AU" on it *huggles Pam* and explain it clearly in a foreword that I'm not following the thing completely. I'm going to rework what I already have of it, too. I think I could've done better. Of course, there's a sheet of paper where I wrote some of it hiding in my closet... and I'd have to find it. And play through Suikoden 2 again (which I have to do anyway, Mukumuku always elluded me and I never got the best ending). But Ferrum? You'll be glad to hear it's my Luc fic. And yes, it does have Sassy in it. It's not Luc x Sassy, but it may seem that way.

Ferrum, there's also some things I've been wanting to say to you that I keep forgetting to post here. I was going to email you, but I think it'd be fine here. It's amazing that Luc has so many fangirls, but they are so hard to find. It's like they're as reclusive as he is most of the time >.< I took a stroll through your fanfics at FF.N and realized that I have known you for much longer than we realized. I think your Jowy fic was the first one that I came across. I really loved it, and the concept. After thinking on it for quite a while, I was determined to write a fic that kinda broke the obvious in the game and showed that Jowy did everything he did out of love for Jillia, moreso than any one other reason. I never did, but the thoughts I had were entertaining. I had already started my Luc fic way before your Luc x Sassy fic was out, but after reading it, I had so many more ideas for my fic. It was strange because some of the things that happened in your fic were things that would seem very similar to what I had planned in mine. That's another reason I killed mine, I didn't want anyone think I was plagerising. ^^;; But the reason I'm writing this is to thank you, because you've actually been an inspiration to me for a looong time and I never took the time to let you know. So thank you, very much. ^^v

Also, I wanna apologize to Sarabi for being so looney last night -_- I know I'm crazy but I was just giddy/hyper last night to hide what I was upset about and I'm sorry you had to waste a phone call on it. But I still wanna know who killed Leopold. :-P

Uhm... *thinks* Had a strange dream about a pretty girl last night. I wish I could draw. She was so tiny and so sparkley. ^^;; It seemed as if all she wanted to do was be my friend yet I kept pushing her away because there were things going on that were matters of life or death. When I finally just stopped and hugged her, her eyes got all big and teary, as if she couldn't believe *I* was holding her. I sure hope no one that is my friend thinks that much of me, else I have to apologize for being a crock >.< hehe.

I better get back to work now. See you guys later tonight.

2002-07-19T07:31:00.000-05:00

Mou, I HATE lucid dreaming. I hate hate hate hate it. Especially when it isn't just a dream, but more of a nightmare. I mean I went to sleep last night and then about an hour ago my mind and body decide to pull opposite decisions. My body wants to wake up, my mind wants to stay asleep. The result? Those freaky horrific dreams that usually have nothing really bad happening to you in them, you just can't wake up, move, scream, breathe, etc... and you feel like deadweight.

Only this time? The dream was really bad. Something really painful/bad was happening and I couldn't move or scream or anything... only lay there and cry. I finally fought myself awake and woke up to find I really was crying and shaking and scared. *sighs*

So now I'm really really sleepy and don't want to try to sleep anymore. -_- At least I was able to watch Hamtaro this morning... And if THAT doesn't give me more nightmares? I don't know what will... Insanely cute dancing hamsters... 0_0 *tries to feed one a sunflower seed*

Gomen for sounding depressed or whatnot, after all it was just a stupid dream. This fright will fade and I'll sleep, but I just thought if I told it here, it'd make it better sooner.

If you see me online today, IM me and ask me if I'm working on my fic. If I say no, tell me that whatever I am doing is not as important as working on my fic and I better get my ass on the job. Thank you so much!!

K, I'ma go watch more TV now, til I fall back asleep. Oyasumi... no wait. It's 7:30 am, you can't say good night in the morning... er... Yeah.

2002-07-18T21:18:00.000-05:00

*Takes a deep breath and tries to calm herself....* Heh-eh. Not happening! *bites Luc's belt and doesn't let up* I feel better...

So now my blog makes me feel completely orgasmic, and yes. Over a picture. ^^;; When I found the shot of him last night I like to have died. I lost my breath when I realized it was him and began panting... *sighs* I know how Ferrum and her orgasmic twin gets over HnG translations now. Seems like I've known Ferrum for longer than I realized since I read her Luc x Sasarai fic sometime last year. Prolly after it was first posted. *coughs* ^^v I hope Ferrum is okay too... *kicks friggin motorcycles*

After staring at that pic of Luc for a bit and reading over Ferrum's blog, I began to really ponder why he's wearing that mask. No, I won't put up any spoilers here. I just know he's a vain lil shit and if someone marred that gorgeous babyface? He'd wear the mask and I'd beat the hell outta whoever did it, no matter if it cost me a perfect game or not. :-P Most likely he's hiding from his lil enemies though. I gotta finish my Jowy x Riou/Hero fic, I suddenly wanna write more on my Luc one. So what if I forgot Leknaat is blind when I was writing it? I'll have to use the letters "AU" on it anyway, and Pam told me that "AU" means I can do ANYTHING and get away with it. ^^v Thanks Pam!

Poor Ferrum, everyone listening to me suddenly got interested in Suikoden and named off the guys they think are hot and now Ferrum thinks they have played the games! ^_^ Tricky people, our friends are. Yes, yes indeed. That means that SOME of you need to PLAY it. *glares at Yui-chan, Rane, Sarabi, and Mona* It's just as good as any anime if not better. The things that Suikoden makes you feel... *shakes head* Those games HURT. That's the best way I can describe them, but it's a pain that you would like. The first one is wonderful, but during the second one? There were times that I'd sit and stare at the same screen for hours, crying, not wanting to push the button to find out what someone would say/do next. I was scared to. Downright scared to.

It's also hilarious how everyone finds one character in it that they adore, and it's usually one that no one else thought of liking. I really adore Luc and Jess. Jowy too. But everyone pretty much likes Jowy. And Luc. But Jess is my "WTF are you thinking?" character that I like. Yui fell for Pahn. Pam fell for Qlon (that kid in the first one who announces that you are at your castle). Rane hasn't even played and she's fallen for Yuber. Sarabs has seen Hugo and went starry eyed. Even Mona has taken a bit of interest, but I don't think she's named any guys yet.

Oh, and please no spoilers if you sign Luc's stone tablet ^_^

Ne Sarabi? What did you mean "What do I have to do to get on your pairings list?" You do know that putting you there means that I have really hentai thoughts about them.... I'd be glad to stick Weasley Twins x Sarabi up there ^_^ But I thought you'd be mad with me. Hmm... maybe Sarabi x Kuja's Tail... *grins*

Well, I'm going back to my belt-chewing now. *bites Luc's belt yet again*

2002-07-18T02:03:00.000-05:00

Yeah right, like I could just replace Momiji with Luc? I mean, hell ya, I love Luc, but I don't want to hurt Momiji's feelings and replace him! Sheesh. *shakes head* Anyway, I was gonna come home from work today and work on my Luc layout *glomps Rane* but SOMEONE beat me to it *glomps Rane* and did a much better job than I could have *glomps Rane* so I should prolly thank her, eh? *glomps Rane* Yay! Well, here it is. I was actually able to understand quite a few things and get it looking a bit more Luc-ish. *glomps Rane* I'll have to buy her a Yuber plushie one day... Still need to work on the sidebar a bit more so that this isn't a copy of Sunset on the Mountain.

*grins* I am listening to a Suikoden webradio station and Luc's theme just came up. If I can find a decent midi of it... I'll annoy you all with music.

I had no clue Ferrum was such a big Luc fan, but I knew K-chan was. I've been a BIG BIG BIG fan of hers for over 3 years now, at least. Ferrum, I hope you found the links I left for you in your blog! And my jaw is still on the floor that you guys are friends with K-chan. ^^;; Talk about idolitry. Anyone happen to be friends with Vivi-chan? Somehow it wouldn't surprise me at all now. 0_0

If I seem to get a bit mean or jaded here, don't take it personal, it's just the Luc fangirl in me trying to get out. Those who know and love Luc will understand. I'm just being silly, though. ^^v

Gawd it's 2am and I'm tired and don't wanna look at anymore html right now, so I better go.

And guess who I'm talking to? Neenerneener-naner! YUI-CHAN!! haha! *runs before Mona kills her*

2002-07-17T17:02:00.000-05:00

Just like the wind,
I've always been
Drifting high up in the sky that never ends
Through thick and thin,
I always win
'Cause I would fight both life and death to save a friend

I face my destiny every day I live
And the best in me is all I have to give

Just like the sun
When my day's done
Sometimes I don't like the person I've become
Is the enemy within a thousand men?
Should I walk the path if my world's so dead ahead?

Is someone testing me every day I live?
Well, the best in me is all I have to give

I can pretend
I am the wind
And I don't know if I will pass this way again
All things must end
Goodbye, my friend
Think of me when you see the sun or feel the wind

I am the wind,
I am the sun
And one day we'll all be one.

~I Am the Wind : End Theme to Castlevania: Symphony of the Night~